Wednesday 4 November 2009

In Denial

I keep buying baby things. I really don't know why. I have no reason to. I don't have a baby. I'm not pregnant. I'm not likely to be pregnant nor have a child in the near future. Yet I continue to purchase things to put away in the nursery. Not the spare room, or the junk room. The nursery. The fucking room that is painted green, with blue curtains, filled with our cot, change table, toddler bed and stuffed animals. Filled with sheets sets, nappy bags and baby massage oils. It sucks. Murray is not in a good frame of mind over everything, and I am so full of emotion, I don't know what exactly I'm feeling anymore. I can't go into that room anymore.

4 comments:

  1. AnonymousWednesday, 04 November, 2009

    Sweetheart if only wishing made it so. It sounds like an amazing room and please God you will have a beautiful son or daughter in that room. Maybe not for now, but you will be a mother one day. You absolutely will. xxxx

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  2. One Who UnderstandsThursday, 05 November, 2009

    I am so sorry you are going through all of this. When we were first ttc I had a bunch of stuff all ready for the baby that I was sure would be on the way in no time. it was so hard to have all that junk just hanging out. So about 3 years ago I got rid of everything! It felt liberating. I gave some away at baby showers and some was sold online. I figure that the day when we are finally pregnant for real it will be nice to have so many things to get. I hope you can find peace and hope again. You are amazingly strong! Don't give up!

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  3. RachThursday, 05 November, 2009

    IMO Bec you're such a strong person for even being able to have all that stuff.

    In 10 years of ttc, we've never bought even one baby thing, not one. I just refused to. I couldn't see the point until we were actually knocked up and then once knocked up at a point where there was such a slim chance we would lose it. Since we've never reached that point we've never bought anything.

    I truly don't know how you or anyone else does it.

    Big hugs

    xxxx

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  4. JellyBellyThursday, 05 November, 2009

    I don't think that you should beat yourself up over having a nursery. The room that is supposed to be our nursery is full of junk and I can barely go in there, let alone have baby stuff.

    Sending you big, big hugs Bec!

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