Long weekend

It's a long weekend here as Monday is Labour Day - Apparently it "Commemorates the granting of the eight hour working day to Western Australian workers and recognises the contribution of all working people to the prosperity of our State". Rightio... well if it's a day off work, then I will take it!

Have a great weekend everyone, I will be back with stories of the triathlon on my return! In the mean time, put your feet up and enjoy some vino!

Bladibla

Can my period please freaking arrive already. I know I'm not pregnant so come on! Last months cycle was only 27 days long, and now I am up to day 44 with no end in sight. I just want to try this last time and get it over and done with.
I am going in my first mini triathlon on Sunday and am starting to get nervous about. Its a 150m swim, 5k ride and 1.5km run which I think I can do, but I have never completed that combination before. I can't believe that me, the fat girl who used to get puffed out walking up the incline to my office, is actually going to be in a triathlon! There will undoubtedly be some sweaty photographic evidence which I will have to post, just to prove that I actually did it. God willing my period doesn't decide to show up on the day!

Secret squirrel business

I have been working on something over the past week or two between procastinating over my lack of progress on the book, and getting ready for uni. Part of the reason this IVF stuff gets to me so much is because I love babies sooooooo much it is ridiculous. So it makes sense that I have now started a baby blog to impart my knowledge of all things baby (and materialistic!) on the web. Be gentle, I've only got a couple of posts up so far, and I'm planning to make it look rather spiffy when I upgrade this blog as well, but for the moment it is as it is. Let me know what you think :-)

Preparations for baby

Hungover

Last night I got absolutely drunk at a friends place and I am paying for it today. I have a bad hangover, I even capitulated and didn't go to boot camp for the first time - I was too scared I would be ill while climbing Jacob's ladder!

My period still hasn't arrived so I'm in limbo, but I'm fairly sure I will be going ahead with the FET, just so it's done and I know whether or not we are going to have a baby. I'm on day 39 today, after having a textbook 28 day cycle last month. And I thought my body might actually be fixing itself - how naive of me.

I'm planning on doing a big blog revamp in the coming month, when I get my butt into gear and figure out what exactly I want to do... stay tuned til the next episode...

Feeling off-colour

I went to my best friends daughters 2nd birthday yesterday. I've been looking forward to it for a while, but ended up finding it a lot harder to deal with than I thought. So many kids running around, lots of pregnant women, and the news that they have been told that they might have to go to IVF later in the year. It was just a lot to cope with and I didn't do that great of a job to be honest. I made sure I smiled at the right times, and talked to everyone, but there was a huge sense of relief once I was driving away.

I didn't go to church last night, I just wanted to be left alone to allow myself to think and wallow in my sadness. I've managed to give myself a bad headache and feel quite ill in my stomach. Not sure if I will make it in to work today, I probably just need to take the day to get myself back together.

Unsure

I am starting to get a little scared about our FET cycle. Not that it may not work, but what if it does work? I'm in a bit of a funk at the moment about changing my life. For the first time I am happy with my life without children.

In the past three years, I don't know if there have been really any times that I have been truly happy, mainly because of the infertility hanging over our heads. But right now I am happy with just working, enjoying our weekends, planning holidays, being able to exercise as I want, and not taking my temperature or tablets or pessaries every day.

I'm sure I still want a baby, I must do, I didn't go through all of this for nothing? Yet right at this point in time I am content with what we do have. Is this fleeting? Will I wake up tomorrow and change my mind? I wish I knew. Maybe it is the depression talking, or maybe it's the way I truly feel?

I know I can delay our FET cycle by another month, and maybe that is the option I need to take. But maybe I wont - maybe I need to cycle again. With so many difficult decisions to make, I never thought that this would be one of them.

Bushfires and community

I've been feeling quite down the last couple of days, mainly because of the bushfires that have been happening in Victoria. At the moment the death toll is at 181 and they are expecting it to rise once they get to all the houses that have been burnt out. There are still bushfires out of control right now. I am trying not to watch too much of the news coverage because it is so upsetting seing the burnt out cars and hearing the horrible stories of people being trapped and dying.

The Australian community have really come together though, so far over 30 million dollars has been raised, and that doesnt include corporate donations. Thousands of people have lost their houses, which is just heartbreaking - imagine losing all of your things, your wedding photos, your childrens toys, your memories? We have just put together a big collection of items to donate, Good Sammies are putting together a couple of shipping containers of clothes, toys, bedding etc to take to the victims.

It's the worst natural disaster in Australia's history, and the worst part is that they are saying that at least some of the fires were deliberately lit. I hope they catch the bastards and make them rot in jail for the rest of their lives.

Drowning in work

Work is a pressure cooker at the moment, but I have managed not to fall in a heap. I am in week 3 of bootcamp at the moment. So far we have done a beach session, two sessions at Jacobs Ladder (lots of stairs!), and two park sessions. I'm going on Wednesday nights and Saturday mornings, and then fiting in another two gym classes on top of that each week. The exercise has been the main thing that has kept me calm enough to deal with all the pressure at work I think.

I've decided to start my acupuncture again and have made appointments for the next couple of Mondays at my usual spot. I also went yesterday to a local acupuncturist who did some deep acupuncture - OUCH! It hurt like hell when the needles went in but when they hit their spot, you get this crazy twinge sensation and your body involuntarily moves! Then the acupuncturist put on these electrodes and turned on a machine which gave a pulse every second, which is meant to stimulate the points on your body. It was really intense but I felt very relaxed afterwards. I'm going to give it one more go tomorrow to see if I can get over the initial pain - if not I will go back to my normal practitioner.

Today is day 22 of my cycle, last months cycle was only 28 days (for once!) So this time next week I could be on the merry-go-round again. I'm starting to get excited about it. Now I know it can really work!

Possibilities

There is a possibility... just the inkling of a possibility, that the kids might be fostered out for a longer period of time, maybe even until they are 18...

So many things to think about...

Looking forward to the week

It was quite a stressful week last week with all the drama of my brother, craziness at work and fighting with Murray. I have taken the weekend to settle my head and my heart and I feel that this week will be better. I've made my peace with Murray and have moved on. There are still obviously a lot of issues still to be resolved about my nieces and nephew but I have to prioritise and that means putting me and 'us' first.

I am going to look around to find a cheaper acupuncturist this week. I love the lady that I went to on our December cycle but I just cant afford to keep it up, so I need to keep looking. There is a place right near my work that does it but I'm unsure if the lady is available at the right times. Worth looking into anyhow.

I really want to take notice of how peaceful I feel right now. I did a lot of cleaning around the house today which made me feel purposeful, and I spoke to my best friend and had a good old chat. It's been a bit like chicken soup for the soul - just what I needed.