There is so much that I haven't written about, and blogging hasn't been the soothing balm that it once was for me. I've just been living day-today, and taking whatever comes at me, one thing at a time.
The adoption process isn't over though which is amazing.
As expected we were given an outcome of 'considering not approving' us as adoptive parents. What surprised us was the reasons given for this decision. In the original assessment report, the only red flag raised was our finances. Well that wasn't a factor at all in the panels decision! They said that it was a concern but that our submission to how we would manage time off and money was well thought out and they were happy with that. Hooray!!! I was thrilled with that! What came next was a surprise.
The committee believed that we had demonstrated capacity to only meet 3 out of the 10 adoption competencies!!! Three!!! There were five areas of concern:
- Not enough evidence that demonstrated regular experience caring for young children either in a professional or personal capacity
- The committee questions our motivation to adopt as we have been so focused on IVF over the years
- Ongoing stress and tensions within my family (My brother and father)
- Ongoing treatment for depression
- Murray has a kidney disease which means that he may need a kidney transplant or dialysis in his 50's or 60's
So completely different to what our report had said! The panel members suggested that the report wasn't detailed enough in these areas, so perhaps we weren't actually deficient in these areas, but the report didn't tell them what they needed to know.
The letter stated that we had three options that we could take up. The first was to attend a meeting with two of the panel members to clarify their concerns. The second is to complete a written submission to be given to the panel to address their concerns. The third is to attend the final panel meeting and make a presentation up to 20 minutes long basically talking to our submission, which I guess adds a human face and that extra explanation of difficult things.
We will be taking up all three options, and have already met with the panel members last Wednesday, which we were very apprehensive about going into it. After all, here are two people that just judged you and decided you weren't 'good enough' to be parents! But it was actually really helpful for us. Of all the issues raised, the one that is going to be hardest to sway them is Murray's kidney problems. He has Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD) which basically means he has little cysts on his kidneys which turns into Chronic Kidney Disease later on in life. He has no symptoms and takes blood pressure medication which is standard treatment to help the kidneys cope, and we are lucky that he has known from early on as his Mum and Uncle also have the disease (hereditary condition). Although Murray hasn't needed to see a specialist, the panel want him to see one to get a report on his prognosis and what potential treatment options are available. I guess for them, it is important to know that he will be around to help raise our child, which we understand.
Anyhow, as I said, one day at a time. We are slowly working on our submission, and we have requested a copy of the minutes from the panel meeting which we can receive to see what specifically they were concerned about within those broad topics and where to focus our energies. Murray is booked in for his specialist appointment on October 15, and I am doing a million blood tests for our Public IVF clinic appointment on November 11. Everything is happening all at once!
I feel immensely grateful to God that we have been given this opportunity to address the issues raised and hopefully be approved to be adoptive parents.
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