I saw my doctor this afternoon and have been diagnosed as having severe depression and prescribed antidepressants to try and help me out a bit. Unfortunately it takes at least a couple of weeks for them to work and are likely to make me drowsy and shaky for a little while.
Work today was horrible. I managed to keep it together until lunch time but then fell to pieces, started crying at my desk and shaking. I have spoken to both my supervisor and branch manager, and while they were sympathetic, both of them have to be concerned with running the branch first and foremost and needed me to be on board and completely healthy. Right now I just cant do that. I was so scared about calling them up but luckily my supervisor called me to ask how the doctors appointment went. I told her that he wants me to take time off and she said she would tell the branch manager for me. I have also asked my doctor to call her so that it's not just me saying these things.
I think I will probably have to put in my notice to resign shortly, I am putting them in a terrible position, and I can not handle any pressure on me at all. Even the thought of putting together a list of what urgent projects I have to handover is stressing me out.
I am 99% sure that I am going to cancel our FET cycle this month. What is left of the logical part of my brain tells me that it makes sense to cancel, but it is such a hard thing for me to let go of it.
We may have to put babies on hold until next year when things are a little more stable. If I quit my job, I lose all my maternity leave so will have to start again with a different company. Bleh - I just cant think about financial stuff at the moment, it just adds to my stress.
I just need to try and keep myself sane until these tablets start doing what they are meant to do. Fingers crossed it happens soon, I can't cope with the way I am feeling.
I'm thinking about you and wishing you well, sooner, rather then later. It's hard to make those choices, but int hen end you have to do whats right for you and your sanity. Big HUGS for you!
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Thinking of you. xoxox
ReplyDeleteBec, I have been taking depression meds for a couple of years now and I can tell you that once they kicked in I felt much much better. Try to hold off on making any huge decisions until the meds kick in. I'm hoping and praying that you find peace soon and if you ever need anyone to talk to I am here.
ReplyDeleteone day at a time right now honey. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteBec, you've been on my thoughts a lot. Take care my dear.xx
ReplyDeleteBec, just letting you know I am thinking of you (and Murray too).
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog last month. Sorry for getting back to you this late cuz I've been in a bit of a funk myself lately.
ReplyDeleteI was in Perth for about a year before I moved interstate. I was seeing a FS in Perth. Anyway, I won't go into details about my FS in Perth cuz it gets me all riled up.
Anyway, I just want you to know that depression is definitely something not easy to deal with cuz my mum was suffering from it for years and I slipped into depression too when I couldn't handle the emotions that came along with IF. I've been trying for a baby since early 2006 as well and there were times when I thought I didn't want to try this hard and I wasn't sure whether I should continue trying for a baby or not cuz we had just moved interstate this year. I was jobless when I moved cuz my DH had a job offer here. I was stuck in limboland after my operation and boy, I remember how bad it was for me.
I really do hope and pray for you that everything will make sense and that everything will fall in place.
Huge huge hugs coming your way.
Am always thinking of you Bec xo
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing the right thing putting yourself and your own health first. The rest - employment and finances - will work itself out. Take care xo
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