I am one of 'those' women. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones who, the moment they give up birth control, run out and layby their whole nursery. I hate to admit it but I am one of these people.
Planning things has always been my forte. I loved planning my engagement party and wedding, I enjoy organising events for work, and my christmas shopping is usually sorted out around August, if not earlier. Hi, my name is Rebecca and I am a control freak!
So when we started trying for a baby, we naively thought that it wouldn't take us too long, so what was the matter with being prepared? My obsession started with a cute little onesie in Murray's rugby team colours. Completely harmless right? Slowly the collection grew to include bibs, sheets anda nappy bag. After about six months, for some god forsaken reason, we decided to buy a cot. It was on sale in a package with a change table, so on the spot we decided, 'the baby isn't going to be far away - let's do it!'. Uh, yep. Good thinking 99.
So ever since, we have this cot (flat-packed thank god) and change table sitting in the corner of what will one day be our childs nursery. What a slap in the face it is some days.
I also have half a cupboard of the cute baby stuff. I have handmade bibs from etsy, a fully matching manchester set that I have collected from the past two years, small toys, and lots of books. Every time I get sad, I go and sit on the floor of the nursery and take out all the things that I have collected. Sometimes it just makes me more sad, yet other days it lifts my spirits.
Because despite everything, even in the darkest days of my infertile struggle, I still believe that I will be a mother one day. I don't know if it will be from my own body, or with my own eggs, or when it will happen. But I know that it will. So some people might poke fun that I have all this baby stuff around me, or chastise me for 'jinxing' myself. Maybe I would have done things differently if I had my time again.
But then again, maybe not.
I have to hold myself back from being one of "those" women...I used to buy baby clothes for my friend's babies and then buy random extra pieces, thinking I would be using them soon...well, I was wrong :) I had to stop, or I would go crazy. But if this works for you, why not? We all have the right to hope and dream...and like you, I do believe our dreams will come true in the future - but it may or may not be in the time or way we always imagined.
ReplyDeleteI have done the same as you Bec, but I haven't bought as much - got the nappy bag, a nice sheet set for a cot, one AIO nappy, some nursery decorations. They are locked away in a chest that hubby bought specifically for my baby stuff, it was his way of acknowledging that we were really planning for a family. Well... we're still planning, still waiting, god I hate that chest somedays and just want to put an axe through it.
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