Another day, another blood test

The merry-go-round continues. Did my injection at precisely 7.10am, then raced off to get my blood test done at 7.30. Of course it doesn't open until 8am on Saturday's does it. Off to McDonalds to waste some time... and break my diet with hotcakes. Oh well.

Went back to the centre to find the doors open and the waiting room completely full. Thank goodness for those pink slips, 'urgent bloodwork' means no waiting around - score one for me. I ask to lie down due to my bad reaction on Tuesday and they say no problem, but only one of the rooms has a bed so I have to wait for that nurse to become free. I show her my bruise which still looks mighty impressive and she starts to look a bit worried. After feeling around for five minutes Im starting to get nervous, I don't need another novice taking blood! Eventually she says she is going to get the other nurse to do it because she "can't find any veins". Great - score's are locked at one apiece. The other nurse comes in and I recognise her as one who has taken blood from me before- things are looking up. Then she starts feeling around, it appears my veins have performed a disappearing act. After getting a little agitated she eventually finds a surface vein and goes for gold. All over and done for another day, thank goodness.

The clinic rang me this afternoon with the results. Apparently my body hasnt reacted at all to the hormones yet. I'm to increase my dose very slowly to not trigger the 15 or so cysts already on my ovaries. I'm currently doing gonal-f injections at 75, Im to change every second injection to 112.5 and do another blood test on Wednesday.

Great.

Injection time

Did my first injection yesterday morning. I prepared for it all as calmly as I could, but when it came time to do it, I just couldn't. I flipped out completely, over the period of an hour I managed to work myself into such a state, I ended up getting my next door neighbour to come over and calm me down so I could do it. Eventually we iced the area so I couldn’t feel anything and then did it, I really didn't think I would be able to do it, but ended up being okay enough to do it myself. I did this morning's one first go as well and was fine, although I didn't sleep too well last night thinking about it!

Murray rang me at work and we were talking about my injections etc, and he said to me "I know you have to do the injections because of me and I really appreciate that".
It wasn't a self-defeating statement or feeling sorry for himself or laying blame, but it was just a genuine appreciation of what I am going through and it meant a lot to me. A lot of people have said 'well, you want a baby so shut up and put up with it all', but that's really not fair.

I still can't believe we are really doing this. I have started wearing my crucifix necklace everyday, I figure every little bit helps. I want this more than I have wanted anything else in this world. I am praying that this works.

There once was a nurse name Hilary...

OH. MY. GOD.
And I thought I had a fear of needles before! The nurse today took three goes to get my blood, I nearly passed out and vomited simultaneously, and I now have a nasty bruise on my arm, all of which I get to repeat on Saturday and then thrice-weekly... so totally my idea of fun.

Also had my ultrasound done. You would think that these people would be able to show a little empathy, coming in day 2 of your cycle (yes that means you have your period), to have what is affectionately termed 'dildo cam', to advise you on what to do. Nope, you have to ask and feel humiliated. It's not like it's a one-off event, every woman needs this ultrasound on day 2 to make sure everything is okay, grow a brain and tell us what to do!

So I have to start injections tomorrow, am freaking out a little over it all. I know I can do it, I have to do it, it's not like I have much of a choice!!! But I am worried about it. Am going to do them in the morning so I don't spend all day dreading them.

This is a video I found of what I'll have to do. God bless youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fADyj_nLKqs

That time of month...

The evil witch has finally made her appearance, maybe I shouldn't have been complaining about my drawn out cycle. I have an appointment at the clinic tomorrow morning for a blood test and an ultrasound, and I will start the injections on Wednesday.

I am suddenly fearful, nervous and scared of everything that is to come. Not so much of the needles or the invasive nature of the tests, but the fact that this may not work. I haven't allowed myself to think about the possibility of IVF not working.

I am off to curl up in bed with my Nintendo DS, a heat pack and my fat-free lemon sorbet.

Educating the kids

I just noticed a horrendous spelling error in one of my previous posts - eek! I was always one of those nerdy kids at school who knew exactly where every apostrophe, comma and quotation mark should go, and in my old age (ha!) I have gotten to the point where I wrote 'piece' instead of 'peace and quiet'. Maybe this is what the world is coming to? Murray brings home assignments to mark where kids write in sms talk, 'How r u today?' and they honestly believe that is how the words are meant to be written.



The education system in WA right now is the worst it has ever been, not trying to get political here, but the OBE or whatever they have watered it down to be is the most horrendous thing ever invented. Who implements a system that has been discredited and thrown away in the majority of countries it has been used in? Murray has students who are barely passing that officially get a B grade because of the stupid marking systems. There is no consistency across the board, the teachers don't know what they are doing so how are the students meant to know?

Just chugging away

This is a bit of a nothing post so feel free to skip over it if you are looking for something more meaningful to read. Just got from my PT session at the gym and am totally and utterly exhausted. I have very little planned for this weekend, the Wildcats (basketball) play their first game on Sunday so we will head along to that, and Murray is trying to convince me to go to Belmont Park to watch the races, but unfortunately for him I have no inclination to do so. I think today is going to be a cleaning day.

I didn't think the drugs I'm taking were affecting me other than the yucky taste and headaches, but I have been quite fatigued lately and having wacky dreams. Who knows whether it is related or not. Maybe that's just the stress of everything that's going on in my life :-) Last night I had the craziest dream that my brothers were trying to kill me and the police had no guns or weapons and so couldn't help me. I woke up a couple of times in the night distressed, and everytime I went back to sleep the dream continued and got worse!

Speaking of my brother, Daniel sent my Mum a letter yesterday from the army. He joined the army two weeks ago, and is currently at recruit camp at Kapooka. He said that "it is bloody hard and he can't wait to march out of the place at the end of it" but apparently "the corporal is very impressed with how quickly they are learning everything". He was very unimpressed that they had to wear speedo's for their swimming trials though!!! He wrote to tell me he loved me "and all that shizzle" hahahaha, that is so typically Daniel. I miss him lots and am glad to hear that he is okay. Mum was stressing out big time, she knows what a great opportunity this is for him, but I don't think she was quite ready for him to leave, he is only 17 I guess.

Mum is stoked, she is only 41 and all of her three kids are out of home already! Now she is working on getting Kevin, her boyfriend, to move in with her, and then work on getting him to propose lol. I always use to think my Mum was this really strong person, after all she was the one who taught me that 'You never need a man to be happy, you need to look out for yourself etc', maybe that was just the bitter divorcee in her coming out, but she is such a push-over when it comes to men! Every boyfriend has been 'the one', and she is ridiculously mushy and lovey-dovey, it's quite sickening actually! But this one has lasted a lot longer than the others and Kevin seems to feel the same way, even if he does live with his parents!

Embryology evening

Just got back from our Embryology evening. It was pretty good, one of the embryologist went through the IVF process and showed lots of pictures of embryos and blastocysts and the difference between them all, and gave some stats which I already knew.
Then the clinic psychologist did a 40 minute spiel on how its normal to be emotional throughout IVF. Hmmmm.... I think I kinda get that already!

Nobody spoke or even looked at each other which I found really odd, I guess I was going along hoping to just chat to people who are doing the same thing as us. I tried to crack a joke about why they couldnt give us tablets instead of giving ourselves injections but managed to get a death stare in return from both the psych and the other couples. I take it that's a strike against my name!

We went out for dinner afterwards at Ti Amo restaurant in Nedlands which I have to say was the best meal I have ever had, and Im not exaggerating! I had a beautiful chargrilled chicken with a chilli cream sauce and it was so good, it takes my Chicken & Prawn Kiev at Morgans Restaurant down to #2 ever which makes it pretty bloody awesome. lol OK enough about food, Im getting hungry again!

Im getting a little impatient with my Fertility Friend chart (http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/BecDChart). I'm currently on Day 30 of my cycle, and supposedly 16 DPO which is way past my normal luteal phase. The nurse at the clinic did tell me that starting Synarel early can cause AF to be late but I just wish it didn't get my hopes up as much as it does. I even did a HPT on Tuesday, negative of course, but just the fact that I did one is silly.

Another thing (Im full of words tonight!) at the presentation tonight, they kept talking about multiple cycles and not getting your hopes up for the first cycle etc. Fuck that for a joke. I am putting everything I have into this cycle, acupuncture, positive thinking, standing upside down and doing cartwheels if it will make a difference. Financially we are using all our savings to do this cycle, and should it not work, we will not be able to do another cycle of IVF for at least six months until we can save enough money to try again, which is a really horrible thought that I can't quite fathom yet. Failure is not an option!

OK I think thats enough blabbing on for now, somebody is probably going BBBFB by now so Ill sign off with good night and sweet dreams xxx

Gala Ball

Went to Murray's gala school ball two weekends ago and we just got a photo back so thought I would post it to show how handsome my husband is! :-) It was a great night, a chance to get all dressed up and hit the dance floor!

Staying positive

Am feeling much better today, have blocked out all the negative crap from my brother and his problems, and am back to being positive :-)I've started thinking about hospitals and obs and all that sort of stuff, I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself 'just in case', but I still want to be able to get excited like normal people do. Maybe I should just leave it alone and not jinx myself, not that im sure I believe in that sort of thing. I guess if I did believe in being jinxed, the cupboard full of baby clothes and toys probably didn’t help lol :-P

Why did I even bother

Everybody told me not to, but did I listen... nooo.I had to help my brother. Fat lot of good that did. Mitch & Alicia are back together, he has ignored the police order and gone to her house and they have sorted it all out apparently. He rang me to tell me and I said I wish he had waited until the order had expired at 9pm. He started yelling at me and abusing me until I hung up. Then he rang back and did the same again until he hung up. Then I sent a message trying to calm him down and he called back again. I told him to stop being so disrespectful and he hung up. Im in tears.I knew I shouldnt have helped, I should have left him to sort it out himself, he has anger management issues and its just not my problem. But I cant do it. I try so hard to do the right thing, I cant just abandon my brother but I have to, if there's one thing Ive learnt today its that I need to make a clean break. I love those kids so much but as much as it hurts me not to see them, I cant be around those two. If I do, Im only asking for trouble.

I'm so angry, upset, confused, sad and just plain stressed out which is really what I do not need right now.

Family drama

Had a big night last night, Mitchell & Alicia had a huge fight last night and as usual the stupid girl called the police. I dont know what on earth possessed her to do it, maybe this is what her mum used to do to her dad or something? Last time she called the cops she said she did it for 'A little peace and quiet'. Anyway, Mitch called Mum and I earlier and we were already on the way over to pick him up before the cops came, he took all of his stuff from the house and went to my place. Police arrive at my house, she has made all these allegations which I know are a lot of bull**** because I heard exactly what he said and she has exaggerated or made up everything, Mitchell gets a 24 hour order to stay away from her and the kids (and HIS house!). Cops tell them both to grow up. Geez, now doesnt that sound familiar!

I just feel sorry for their kids. They are both 18 with a 3yo and 11 month old and ONE ON THE WAY!!!!!!!! Sure Jordan is only a baby but Lulu is 3, Im sure she knows what is going on, they dont bother about making sure the kids are okay in all of this. They use them like pawns. Mitchell wanted to take Jordan with him last night but the police wouldnt let him which I can understand.

The hard thing is next week no doubt they will be back together, same problems, more fights until one day one of them will snap and we will repeat this all over again.

I promised myself I wouldnt get involved and would concentrate on myself and just leave them to sort out their own problems but I cant do that, its my brother and his family, I love those kids like they are my own. It's all too freakin hard :-(

Normal life...

I figure i should use my blog for more than just my IVF dramas, maybe more like a journal for everything that's going on :-)

Just got back from the gym this morning, had a Personal Training session. She is very excited that we are starting IVF :-)

Sniffing this morning was horrible, Im drinking coke afterwards to combat the taste but that is quite acidic and makes me want to spew. Have bought some mint pattie things to try and eat instead...

lol so much for making this blog not about IVF!

Day 2 Sniffing

I got a little frustrated with Murray last night, all he did was whinge about him not feeling well and having a sore throat, when I wanted him to pay me a little attention and show that he cares about what we are doing. I know he cares, but still... I dunno, maybe Im just being overly sensitive about it all.

Started sniffing

I had my first sniff-fest today, I cant believe we are actually doing this!Had my nurses appointment yesterday and got given all the drugs, had to do a blood test on the way out and they wanted me to start taking Synarel from today so here we are! I was quite nervous about it and it had a yukky taste after about 5 minutes but now Ive done it twice, there's no stress.

Im just so excited that we are finally doing this. Ive told a lot of people at my work because they knew Id been having some time off and everyone has been really supportive.

Now just have to wait for AF to arrive to let the fun Really begin!!!

Waiting

Waiting, waiting, waiting. It's all I ever seem to do. I am so sick to death of taking my temperature every morning, but in my head if I stop, I lose all control over my body so I keep on doing it every day in the hope that it tells me what my body is doing.Hrrrmmmpphhh

First blog entry

Just got the email through about blogs being available and have decided it's just what I needed. I started a diary a lifetime ago but never get the time to write in it so here goes.

I'm doing really well at the moment, but it really is a day-by-day thing. Some days I feel shocking, other days I feel really good. We have been TTC for 14 months now and it feels like it's never going to end. I feel a lot better now that we have an action plan in place. I have a nurses appointment on the 12th to learn how to give myself injections and then an embryology evening on the 20th to get more information about everything, and when AF arrives we start our first (and hopefully only) IVF/ICSI cycle! I am really confident about it, I know everyone says to hope for the best and prepare for the worst, but I cant do that. I need to put all my hope and trust in this, and pray that it works. I've been doing acupuncture for the past couple of months and have lost just over 12 kilos since May in preparation for starting IVF, I just hope that makes enough of a difference. My FS prescribed me metformin to take in the meantime but all it did was make me nauseaus all day long so have finally given it up after a month.

Am worried about the financial side of everything, our PHI doesnt kick in until May next year which means we have to pay for all the hospital costs completely adding an ezxtra $2300 onto the IVF cost but it is worth it if it works. IF it doesn't.... I don't really want to think about it, but we wont be able to afford a 2nd go until May/June next year.

I was diagnosed with depression back in May and I finally feel like I have it under control. I've been doing lots of reading and taking time out for myself and LOTS of exercise and its finally paying off.

Hmm ok I've probably blabbed on for a while now, but thought I'd give this blog thing a try anyhow. xxx