The saying goes that as one door closes, a window opens. Well we had to find that window, that ray of hope that would keep us going. So after much prayer and talking, we have decided to reapply for local adoption.
It's a big step for us. The last time we went down this path, we were messed around so much - medical reports that weren't sent through to the panel, a rogue doctor who wouldn't recommend Murray as a suitable parent, and then the kicker - my weight being over their BMI limit, which ultimately caused the panel to reject our application before we even had our final assessment.
This time I think we are in a different place. While we will still likely pursue fertility treatments in the future, my experiences with my nieces and nephews leave me with no doubt that I could parent a child that was not born from me. We are also in a break from treatment, whereas before we were still doing IVF throughout the process. And of course the ultimate factor, my weight loss has enabled us to become eligible again, with my BMI currently around 32 and dropping every day.
So what does this mean for us? I spoke to DCP who look after adoptions in WA, and as we have already attending all of the workshops and training, we do not have to repeat that, and they also have our references on file so it looks like we wont have to repeat those either. We went to our GP yesterday to start the medical report process again, and now just need some blood tests to finish that off. Also we need to get a special police clearance which the department do, which goes over and above a normal police clearance. And finally a traffic infringement check from the police to make sure we aren't serially drink-drivers or speed or anything else naughty like that! We both got our traffic infringement checks done today so that is one thing to tick off the list!
We are sending through all of our documentation as we go along so that things can be done in the quickest way possible. I want to be alerted at the earliest possible opportunity for any issues that may crop up. I'm so used to disaster in everything we do, that I'd rather just know about it straight away, than get my hopes up about everything running smoothly, if that makes sense.
Once all of those documents have been submitted, the medical reports will go to an Adoption Medical Panel for review and they make the decision as to whether we are 'fit to adopt' from a physical point of view. The next panel meets in mid-February so hopefully by the end of February we will have a decision. After that decision, we will be assigned an assessor and begin a minimum of 6 interviews in our house to go over everything - how we were brought up, our family tree, how we intend on parenting, if our house is up to scratch etc. I'm not thinking too far ahead to this just yet - I just want to focus on what we are doing right now.
So yes. Certainly a change of pace for us, but we really feel God's hand in this. I read a bible verse which I hadn't come across before, and I felt like a promise that I couldn't ignore.
He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the LORD! - Psalms 113:9I don't care how our child comes into our lives. I just know that they will come, one day.
PS - I spoke to a health liaison officer in Dr Kim Hames (WA Deputy Premier/Minister for Health) office today about the situation with the IVF waiting list. They are going to contact the hospital and try and get us reinstated. I don't know if it will happen, but I am glad to at least have someone fighting for us. Regardless of whether we get reinstated or not, we are very happy to be back on the adoption track.
i'm so glad that you have someone fighting for you for the waiting list. I'm outraged that the system would be so... stupid in the first place!
ReplyDeleteAlso, YAY for adoption!
xxoo
Our adoption coordinator told us many years ago after we, too, had struggled for nearly a decade with IVF to no success, that adoption is not a matter of "if" but "when". Although the paperwork and process was lengthy...I found comfort in taking charge and checking things off the list of to-do's. 2 adoptions later we couldn't be happier!!!! I discovered that although I had virtually no control over my body with IVF, I did have some control over completing the paperwork in the adoption process. That control felt so much better than the helplessness I felt with IVF and in the end, my dream did come true; adoption did make me a Mom. Hang in there and just keep taking one small step forward each day. :)
ReplyDeleteAs another commenter mentioned, Australia has very low adoption rates. In fact the latest AIHW report showed that there were only 3 local adoptions finalised in 2011- I've been advised that on average there are between 3 and 10 local children adopted each year in WA (excludes intercountry adoption)
DeleteI think it's so awesome that you guys are taking charge. It must be so hard but you're doing it. I will keep you in my thoughts. I have no doubt you are going to be great parents someday.
ReplyDeleteTo the first anonymous, while that may be the case in America, it isn't in Australia. Local adoption is now almost non-existent here, except for known child adoption (close relatives adopting). The average is less than 25 non-known adoptions each year in the state Bec and I live in. That number includes international adoption. Local adoption is apparently about 8-10 a year with many more applicants than children available.
ReplyDeleteI hope, for Bec, that things work out.
Thanks for the comment. W know it is a long shot, but it's another avenue we can go down, so we want to try at least. We believe we have a lot of things in our favour such as our age, home ownership and education etc which would be valued by birth parents during the matching process. That gives us hope that perhaps one day e could be placed with a child.
DeleteI know I've seen you post the stats before as well, so I knew you knew the likelihood of it happening as well... it was just clear the other commenter didn't.
DeleteI completely agree that you should take advantage of all paths open to you. Small or not, it's a chance - and you never know which of those might bring a child into your family.
You and Murray are so amazing, your love for each other is unquestionable and your tenacity and determination to become parents will see you become a mummy one day. I will always follow your blog and hope you see your dreams come true one day soon xo
ReplyDeleteI second everything lily bels said. You will be amazing parents and your strength and tenacity is AWEsome to behold. And that psalm made me cry.
ReplyDeleteThe psalm is so beautiful, I cried too!
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