No testing!

I managed one day without testing. It kind of helped that there were no pg tests in the house! I only POAS first thing in the morning so that means Im not testing tomorrow either. Maybe Tuesday? Actually I have the day off on Wednesday so I will try and hold out until then, just so I can have the day to get my head around the result.

I am already starting to gear myself up towards a negative result after the test I did yesterday. Murray was really disappointed that I tested, but I just want to know already.

We should find out this week about the job Murray went for in Singapore. I am still undecided about it all but Murray is excited about it and would be there tomorrow if he could. This decision is huge for me. The main issues for me are the baby stuff and financial.

If I am pregnant...

*Then I would stay in Australia and live apart from Murray for several months of 2009, living with Murray's parents (cheap and easy option). This way I will get access to six months maternity leave at half-pay plus long service plus time off from work without losing my job if I wanted to go back. Unlikely to be able to get a job in Singapore while pregnant and would receive no maternity benefits = no leave.

*I want to give birth in Perth with family around, but this means that Murray might possibly miss the birth. I want to be able to birth my way and Im not sure I would be comfortable giving birth in Singapore. Also it would cost us a decent out-of-pocket amount to give birth in Singapore, whereas if I give birth in Australia, I get a $5000 tax free baby bonus.

*I would be spending at least the first year or two of our childs life in a country with no family. They will do short visits as flights are relatively cheap. As I am high risk for post-natal depression, I think I really need to have people around me that can help me out, people that I can trust.

*I wouldnt have to work for around 12 months while we are in Singapore, but then would have to look at some part time work - child care options for child???

*

If I'm not pregnant...

*I have to get a job in a foreign country when I have no university degree, don't know the area very well, and in a global economic crisis. Being an asian country, working conditions are different as well - very cheap local wages (which i would be employed under) and long working hours.

*I would need to bring in a certain amount of money each month to keep us going, no way we could survive without my wage

* My job here, even though I have absolutely hated it in parts, I have also made good friends, earn good money and mostly enjoy the actual work that I do (just not the management sometimes). I would hate to lose that and the benefits that I have (ie maternity leave, long service leave, flexi-time, organisation knowledge). Here I am a valued and knowledgable member of the team.

*Would have to put on hold ivf for a year or two once in Singapore due to (a) expensive ivf/saving efforts/travel back and forth. and (b) non-resident in australia so no medicare funding for ivf there during this time. Not sure if I could handle this.

*But at the same time if we decide to go down the adoption path back at home, we both have to be over 25 to start the application process in Perth, so a couple of years away could use up some of this time

*I want to try again ASAP! and do another double FET cycle in November/December but that pushes out me living apart from Murray for a longer period of time



These are just some of the thoughts bouncing around in my brain at the moment. Hopefully if Murray receives a job offer, it will help make things a bit clearer about what our situation would be in Singapore, and clarify in my mind whether or not I am ready to take that step.