Our baby made it to six weeks before leaving us this morning.
Physically I am in a lot of pain, much more than what I expected. I am passing large clots which is unusual for me, but I haven't taken anything for the pain, I guess I want to feel it happening, at least then I really know that it is over.
Emotionally, I am trying to deal with a broken heart. I don't feel like Murray understands at all. He is hurting, I can tell that, but he is able to live like normal whereas I can't. This affects every part of me and my life. I get so angry that he isn't falling apart like I am. Doesn't it kill him that this is happening?
Oh Bec, every bit of love I can muster is being sent down the wires. I'm so very sorry for your loss.xx
ReplyDeleteHugs to you and Murray too. He is hurting too, but remember you were the one carrying this baby and connected to it in ways he can't imagine. His grief will be different. Amidst your sorrow, reach out to, rather than against, each other. Lots and lots of love. Sarah xxx
ReplyDeletei am so sorry bec. i really wish i could say or do something to spare you your pain.
ReplyDeletei'm sure that murray is hurting too, but like most men, he's probably afraid to show his true emotions.
lots of love and prayers to you both.
Bec - I still feel the same way eventhough it has been 4 months since our baby left us. I totally fell apart, more than I EVER have in my life, but Pace kept on living. Of course he was sad and he was upset, but he didn't fall apart. I still fall apart at least a couple of times a week. He still lives on. I don't get it either I don't understand, and I am angry for you too. We are here for you!
ReplyDeleteOh Bec - this is so hard. Losing the baby is torture enought, but here is where the way both you and Murray see and feel this loss begins.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this will help at all, but I recently wrote a post about the husband / wife connection through and around grief - and only NOW (8 years later) am I getting that.
If you want... http://buildingheavenlybridges.blogspot.com/2008/12/parenting-child-in-heaven.html
I am so very, very sorry. I don't think men are quite capable of understanding this with quite the depth we do. Whether that's simply a function of biology or something more, I don't know.
ReplyDeleteBe kind to yourself for a while. You're going through a lot, hormonally as well as physically and emotionally, right now. {{{hugs}}}
When I had my miscarriage, my husband didn't "feel" it like I did. Just try your best to talk to him about what your feeling. They honestly don't "get it". I know that sounds harsh, but it's true. He loves you and he wants to help you through this. It's hard to, but talk to him and tell him what you need.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about you and sending you lots of love and support!
Hugs,
-D
I'm so sorry Bec :( When it's not happening to the mens body I think sometimes it takes them longer to comprehend.
ReplyDeleteOh, Rebecca, I'm so sorry. My recent miscarriage was rather unpleasant and I only made it to five weeks, so I can imagine how much worse it is for you.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about your husband not understanding. For us going through it, there is the physical pain, the cramping, the bleeding, the many many pads to change, the constant reminders of what we had that we lost. On one hand I was glad that my husband wasn't falling apart. I was a complete mess, and it was good that one of us was able to get things done. On the other hand, it hurt me a lot that it didn't hurt him as much.
I found that I needed to be clear about asking for what I needed from my husband, because he had no idea how to help, so he just didn't. Whether it was sending him to the store for ice cream, or telling him I needed him to hold me while I cried, or asking him to clean the litter box, I had to ask for it. Also, don't be afraid to take pain medicine. It really can help.
Bec - huge hugs, I only just read this post and my thoughts are with you and Murray. I can't say anything to make it better for you but I just wanted to let you both know that I am thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteLisa