déjà vu

Yesterday was our review appointment with our specialist. He didn't have good news for us. He says he doesn't think IVF will work for us as I am constantly fighting ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome each time I use Gonal F or Puregon. The past three cycles have all been cancelled due to my high estrogen levels, and he said he just isn't willing to take the risk of OHSS and take me through to egg collection, even with all the other control measures like cabergoline and albium in place. He openly stated that he is conservative, and when I pushed him to go ahead with an egg collection even if I was at risk of OHSS, he said he would not do that, and that, while he hates to do it to a patient, he will have to relinquish me as a patient.

I think I was in a fair bit of shock at that point. He wasn't rude or abrupt about it, it was just very matter of fact. After absorbing what he was saying, we talked about what other options we have. He is happy for us to have one more attempt at IVF (at our request), on the lowest possible dose of FSH, along with Lupron rather than Orgalutran. He doesn't think it will help as my body is so temperamental it will either not respond at all on that dose, or still go crazy with the OHSS risk - both resulting in a cancelled cycle. But we have nothing to lose trying it. Cancelled cycles cost very little, only a couple of hundred dollars out of pocket, and although there is a physical and emotional cost associated with it, I still believe that if we can just get to egg collection, we will fall pregnant.

There is another option which we discussed. Dr Thompson has suggested that I return to my old clinic, Fertility Specialists WA, and go through In Vitro Maturation there. It is the only clinic (that I know of) in Australia that is using the method, and I have been through it twice before. It will basically guarantee us to get to egg collection, which has been the issue. The reason we were unsuccessful in the past with IVM is due to Murray's poor sperm quality etc, and now we have a donor, that is not an issue. But there are still other road blocks. FSWA charge more than my current clinic. It is further away, and not generally open on weekends like Concept is.

But the biggest sticking point is that they have a BMI limit of 35. If your weight is over a certain limit, then the clinic will not treat you. It’s déjà vu. Back when we first started treatment at FSWA, I was told I was too fat for treatment, and so I went all out and did everything within my power to lose weight to meet the BMI limit. And I did it. I know it can be done because I did it then. But it was freaking hard - beyond hard. I am over the threshold. Thanks to a lack of exercise, and comfort eating, and fertility treatments, my weight has ballooned and I have hit a BMI of 41. The thought of having to do all of this to then go through all of the fertility treatment again… I don't even know where to start.

I am in the too-hard basket. I don't know what to do.