The dream is gone. That spotting I thought was my miracle implantation? Was my period instead. On Day 20. Oh so much fun.
Besides the logistics of how I am getting my period only nine days after I stopped injecting (biggest follicle was only 14mm last Wednesday), I am exhausted. This non-cycle really took it out of me. Not so much emotionally, although there was certainly a fair share of that. But physically, getting to the appointments before work, and then getting to work late and feeling guilty. Doing injections every day, leaving me black and blue and very sore all over my stomach. Putting on about three kilos, partly from hormones, partly from rabid hunger that seems to come over me whenever I take these drugs. Being tired - all of the time. The feeling of 'being a number' at the new clinic.
Yesterday I booked an appointment with Dr Linda Wong, another FS based at the new clinic. The first available appointment is in November, the day after we get back from Hong Kong. We go on holiday in two weeks, and I have an appointment with my current doctor on August 5. My doctor has until November to get me pregnant or I move to the new doctor, the one who I wanted to treat me way back at the beginning of everything in 2007.
I know what my doctor is going to say. He will want me to do the Ovarian Drilling, to lose weight and then try iui. But I just do not have any faith that it will do anything. I am concerned that ovarian drilling is an outdated technique (both of my old FS agreed), that it may not work (it doesn’t work in many cases), and may leave me with scar tissue on my ovaries. And then he wants me to lose weight. Well hang on, I did that already and it didn't make one iota of difference to my cycle. If anything, my cycle was worse when I was at my lowest weight. And I certainly wasn't at my lowest weight when I fell pregnant with V. Then he wants me to do donor iui. Well I have PCOS, I either don't ovulate on my own (or have 80 day cycles), or I hyperstimulate with drugs - there really isnt an in between (I haven't tried clomid which might work - I don’t know). But look at the success rates with iui. At my clinic they are less than 10%. I'm sorry but I am not going to go through all of that for 10% It's just not going to happen. So all this does, even if I do everything my doctor asks, is leave me another 6-12 months down the track with no baby. Maybe that is what he wants. After all, one of his first comments to me was about how young I was and I didn't have anything to be worried about. I turn 24 next month. I know I am young. But if I am old enough to be married, vote, own a house and work fulltime, then I think I am well and truly old enough to make my own decision about having children.
That turned into a bit of a vent. I just don't trust my doctor, it's as simple as that. Unfortunately until November, I have no other choice except to do what he says or write off the next six months.
Oh Bec, I'm sorry to hear this (turns out you were posting the same time I posted my previous comment).
ReplyDeleteSorry I don't have any advice as you know I don't have any experience with this (yet) but I just wanted to let you know I thinking of you and sorry to hear your doctor is such a twat.
Kim xxx
I had some mid-cycle spotting a couple of weeks ago, thought it might be a good sign so I did a test two days ago - BFN. Surprise surprise.
ReplyDeleteBec, while you are waiting for your November appointment, have a look into EFT, more specifically Matrix Reimprinting. It helps you to dig into the past and gently confront childhood traumas that you could be holding in your cellular memory.
xo B
Sorry I've been gone so long, hon. I just got ALL caught up. I'm so sorry you started your period. If I were you, I would go with your gut feeling. If you think the drilling won't work, go with it. you don't want to waste any time or money on something you feel won't work. That's just my opinion though.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of love.
*HUGS*
Big hugs Bec.
ReplyDelete"I just don't trust my doctor, it's as simple as that. Unfortunately until November, I have no other choice except to do what he says or write off the next six months."
You don't trust your Dr, so why would you do ANYTHING he says from this point forward? As hard as it may be, if it was me, I'd write the next 6 months off. Give your body a break, (don't shoot me!) enjoy NOT thinking about getting pregnant for the next 6 months, enjoy your two holidays and then you'll be "fresh" and ready to go with your new FS.
Whatever you decide, we're all behind you!
Re; the only being 24 thing. I was told at 20 when we started ttc that we had "loads of time" uh hu and now 11 years later, we have sweet fa to show for it....
Don't listen to what others say if your heart tells you otherwise, as it's rarely wrong.
xxx
Hi Bec,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your RE. It sucks to not trust your doctor. I'm so glad you have an appointment with the new one, but it sucks that you have to wait so long.
Here is my two cents on what your RE wants to do. Ovarian drilling - from what I have read as well, it is outdated and destroys valuable ovarian tissue and can leave scar tissue. It works sometimes, but only for a short period of time and it ultimately reduces the number of eggs you have.
Losing weight - yeah they all say that. My current RE didn't give me any crap about being overweight though and for that I am so thankful. I could certainly stand to lose 30 to 40 lbs to be at ideal weight. Many studies suggest that weight loss (even just a small amount) can have a positive effect on fertility. It can't hurt to work towards that goal, but as we all know, it's damn near impossible to lose weight when doing fertility treatments.
I would suggest that you give IUI a chance though, especially since you will be waiting 6 months for your new RE. If you are using healthy donor sperm and use clomid or letrozole(femara) for ovulation induction instead of injectables, your chances of hyperstimulation are virtually nil and you have a decent chance at getting pregnant. Clomid and femara work very well for MANY women with PCOS (femara more so as it doesn't negatively affect uterine lining). Yes, 10% in any one cycle sounds low, but when you think that an average healthy couple only has a 25% chance, it's not that bad. We did IUI with my husband's crappy sperm (3% morphology) and our RE estimated that we had maybe a 5% chance of success in any given cycle, and got positives on 2 out of 5 IUI cycles (one was a mc). If you have 6 months of IUI's you may not even need another IVF cycle and risk cancellation or hyperstimming again. It can't hurt and is so cheap compared to IVF. Just my two cents. Do it while you wait for the new doc.