Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "If I see one more facebook status"I wanted to respond to the comment made on my last post, and hopefully it gives some sort of insight to those who haven't gone through infertility, how I feel about people with children.
These women didn't write this to spite you. Your misfortune is terrible, but I think being angry or upset about what others write is quite selfish. Can you honestly say if you eventually did have a baby that you wouldn't write stuff that may offend people who cannot have a children? You wouldn't write about your pregnancy on your facebook? Or your child? A lot of people have lost their mothers, imagine how they feel on mothers day? I really hope you do eventually get your bub and things work out, but I think that this kind of negativity probably doesn't help when it comes your mental health and trying to get pregnant.
I don't begrudge other mothers their children. Yes some days it hurts more than others, and there are so many crackwhores out there who shouldn't be having kids. But for the general population, I really am not angry or upset about other people having children - they are entitled to have families and I am happy they have been blessed. But it always hurts, no matter how close the person is, no matter how much they struggled to conceive also, no matter what the situation - it is human nature for us to put ourselves and our emotions first. And the overriding emotion with these things is "It's not me and I wish it was".
And absolutely I plan on blogging my pregnancy when it happens, and I will post on facebook. Everybody should celebrate having children, having a family. No doubt I will post belly pics and debate pram and cot choices. However my particular annoyance was that instead of celebrating the uniqueness of motherhood and holding that baby in your arms; instead of talking about the day ahead and the special moments with your children, Mothers Day was reduced to a few trite lines, that made it seem that only a mother with live children could love a child that much, and at least in my mind at that point in time, only that mothers love made that baby possible. Because I didn't love my baby enough for it to live or something to that effect.
And one last thing, just because it absolutely grates on my nerves when people tell me this. Unless you can scientifically prove that 'negativity' reduces my chances of falling pregnant, then please don't proffer advice on that front. I think that's almost worse than telling me to relax.
That person didn't even have the balls to leave their name. Coward. Hope you found a way to make the day special xx Reb
ReplyDeleteI received some excellent advice the other day Bec. Your blog is your space, and just like you wouldn't let a complete stranger enter your house, anonymous doesn't have the right to comment on your blog. If you have a comment to make. Own it.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree.
Anon has NO idea what you have been through.
xxx
Well said Bec! I completely understand where you are coming from and feel the same way. For what it is worth...I HATE that Facebook update too -
ReplyDelete((HUGS))
You have every right to feel how you feel!!
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of love,
xx
***applauding** couldnt have said it better myself Bec.. I thought of you on M Day.. cos i was in tears myself for half the day then had to pull it together to spend quality time with my own mother.. i nearly called you cos i knew you would be the one who would understand but I had the day planned..
ReplyDeleteAnon.. how rude you are.. there is absolutely no need for personal attacks..but then again..did someone say troll?
Love you babe..
Missy
Bec, As you know I am a mum but I can completely see where you are coming from with this. If people can't put themselves in your shoes to imagine the heartache you feel they are not worth your time. I know I would feel exactly the same and I think you've used the right outlet to vent it. Hugs gorgeous gal, may this year be yours xox.
ReplyDeleteannoyns are just lonely sad people out to p*ss us off. gr8 response.
ReplyDeleteGreat post Bec. FWIW I don't think you need to justify yourself on your own blog.
ReplyDeleteDon't feed the troll!
I really don't mind honest feedback - I know it sounds like I am being defensive, but I am all for honesty in relationships. And this is a relationship, albeit online.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously troll - move to a 3rd world country? Grow up.
People can be so cruel and truly ignorant. Karma is a cruel thing and when we judge other people we open the doors to be judged. When we blog we are letting out our feelings and telling our stories, we are not looking for people to make us feel guilty about our feelings.
ReplyDeleteThe suggestion that the only way to have any rights to our feelings is to live in a third world country does not make sense. People feel pain in all countries and in every economic status. Having lived all over the world I have seen pain and suffering at various levels and I never dismiss one womans pain because someone else has experienced something that I deem more terrible. The only way to experience the pain associated with infertility is to live it on a day to day basis.
I love all my friends and all of their babies but I would be a complete liar if I said it didn't impact me and make me feel deep jealousy and pain. Do I wish them anything but happiness...of course not, but do I want the same happiness....of course!!! To be human is to be jealous and it is something that we all work on. It must be nice to be so virtuous and perfect like the anonymous troll....oh wait a minute, I am not sure if insulting people on their own blog is a sign of character or virtue. Maybe she should work on herself before she worries about us. My absolute favourite part of the message was when she insinuated that we are contributing to our own infertility because we don't wake up with sunshine pouring out of our veins. Like the fact that we may never have children is no big deal and we should get over it. Isn't it one of the biggest deals. Human nature is to want to procreate I guess we should just be able to ignore our destiny and biological urges, we must be weak women with nothing better to complain about. It is a big deal and she should think before she writes.
To bad you can't "hide" that anonymous poster. Mother's Day is not that hard for me personally, but I totally agree with you. They make it sound like they have some sort of monopoly on love. You don't have to be a mother to know what unconditional love is. I also find it ironic that she is criticizing your right to post what you want, while she defends others.
ReplyDeleteOh, and to your other anonymous poster on here - What does a 3rd world country have to do with anything? I've been to many third world countries, even thought about moving to one permanantly. It wouldn't change my longing for a child.