The more I think about it (and the more DI books I read), the less I want to go down the donor sperm path. I honestly believe that a mother and father are not by genetics but by who brings you up, as proven by my relationship with my father.
The problem is that every book I read is about how hard donor IVF/IUI is. I have no problem with telling our child they were conceived with donor sperm. None whatsoever. But do you then have to disclose to every Tom, Dick & Harry off the street when they comment on how much alike the child is to its father?
I also don't want to Murray to feel like this isn't just as much his child as it is mine. We have talked about it and he says he wont, but once again, everything I have read says that the man secretly is thinking that.
In saying all of that, I wont do another cycle with Murrays sperm once we have finished this one. You know how everyone in the world has told me that I need a break? Well I finally get it. Like REALLY get it. I can almost see myself stopping treatment for good, skipping DI and just waiting for adoption to happen in it's own time. But that's not a promise - don't get me wrong, I do like the idea. But I reserve the right to change my mind and do whatever the hell I want to do.
Let's just concentrate on getting this cycle to work first.
Oh and I would love to hear your experiences of donor sperm, either if you have used it, if you have considered using it, or have friends children conceived by it and your experience from that point of view. I need ass-vice and lots of it!
I think that if Murray says he won't think along those lines, you should trust what he says.(not that you don't "trust" him, can't think of a better word) Anyway, whatever happens and whatever choice you two make is nobody's business but YOURS! I think using donor sperm or donor eggs is a wonderful thing. I often times wish I was in a position to BE a donor.
ReplyDeleteSending you SO much love and prayers, hon.
*HUGS*
We are in the position of possibly having to consider using DS and we have had the conversation over and over again. It's no easy decision.
ReplyDeleteWhile we don't need to actually make the decision just yet, we have already agreed (in principal) that if we need to go that route we are comfortable using DS. It is indeed such a beautiful gift.
We have decided we would definitely tell the kids and all those close to us. my DH feels that for those random people who say things like "he has your eyes" we will just say "he isn't my hubby's biological son". In this day and age of divorce, second marriage etc it's not that uncommon for kids to be brought up by someone other than their biological parents. People don't need to have all the gory details.
I've heard a couple of things to consider... "you can always tell later, but you can't un-tell" and think about your future child and how people will react to them, either with surprise, shock, horror (let's face it there are millions of idiots out there) when the kid blurts it out. So we would rather everyone (almost) knows early so they have their chance to say their hurtful things to us rather than our child.
But this is extremely personal and everyone is different and you simply have to make a decision that you and DH are comfortable with.
I read on someone's blog yesterday that he has a litmus test to decide whether he REALLY is comfortable with a donor. Every time he doubts it he thinks about the day his wife tells him she is pregnant and thinks about how he will feel. He says that every time he is thrilled and not thinking it isn't really his.
Sorry this is so long, but this keeps coming up at the moment so I've been thinking about it a lot.
It's a huge choice and something that you and your husband need to be 100% behind, and I don't think it's anyone's business what you choose, this is a private decision between the 2 of you.
ReplyDeleteSending prayers for your little ones.
My hubby and I are in the same boat but a lot older than you. We are 37. I'm kind of like you. At first I thought using donor would be a quick and easy fix for our issues but the more I think about it the more I think it's not for us. He says it wouldn't bother him but I don't believe him. My body tenses up and I have all kinds of anxiety just at the thought of using donor sperm. So we will probably be going the adoption route. Best of luck to you!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I are currently doing IUI with donor sperm. We've only done one cycle so far, but it's basically donor sperm or adoption for us, so we thought we'd try for a kid who at least is genetically related to one of us. And this way we get to experience the whole pregnancy/birth thing. (Plus, we calculated out the cost for us and it's sooo much cheaper than adoption.)
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