Adoption workshop

Our first workshop is done - preparation for adoptive parenting. It was definitely an eye-opening experience! We had three guest speakers - an adoptee, a couple who adopted a little Ethiopian boy 2 years ago, and a birth mother who relinquished her child in 1981. Each story brought tears to my eyes - so many emotions in one room.

It was great to meet lots of new people who are looking to become parents or extend their family with an adopted child. Of the 17 people their were 7 married couples, one unmarried couple, and one single lady. Two of the couples already had children and were looking to adopt to finish their families, and the rest of us had fertility issues.

Lots of tears were shed, and a great deal of information was passed around in a very long day, It opened my eyes to a lot of things I hadnt really processed well, like how the birth mother must feel throughout the process, that even though for the adoptive parents it is a wonderful thing to be given a child to parent and love, for the child it must be the most terrifying thing ever to be handed over to people they dont know.

Lots of food for thought. I think I swung between hating the idead of adopting and being 100% sure I only wanted to adopt half a dozen times during the session! When I spoke to Murray when we left, he said he felt exactly the same! It's another rollercoaster all over again!

I have decided that I would like to try donor sperm at least once. When I sit down and think about adoption, I know that in the end I would be okay with it, but right here right now, the loss of not being pregnant, not giving birth, not breastfeeding my child, not waking up in the middle of the night to feed the baby - there is a huge feeling of loss and grief that I cant let go of. I could end up with 24 hour morning sickness, pre-eclampsia, a c-section delivery under general anaesthetic, and a colicky child and people will laugh at me and say I told you so. But I don't care. It is something that I desire, I want, and right now it feels like a need. Yes it is a need that is nowhere near as great as having the child itself. That trumps all. But it would still be a huge loss for me to lose that. It is what makes me a woman - my birth right.

Anyway, enough ramblings for one night. I was meant to see my neices and nephew tomorrow morning but apparently they have gastro so I guess I will need to arrange to see them another time.

4dp3dt = 7dpEPU
5 days until I can do a HPT
Going a bit nuts!