So we are going straight into another frozen transfer cycle. It seemed to be the best option, we have paid a lot of money for administrative costs surrounding counseling, transfer of ownership and embryo freezing, and I'm in the 'treatment zone' as I like to call it. I'm used to waking up early for the blood tests, and I am in a good enough headspace to keep going for now.
I know a few people commented with concerns about my 'obsession'. I truly have been blessed in my life, I know that. I live in a free country, have married a wonderful man and have a great family. But there is a giant child sized hole in our life and hearts, and yes- that has left me at a point in my life where the one thing I can't have, I desire the most. The thing is, just like everything in my life, I am going to go after what I want. And I don't do things by halves. I put my everything in. That's just how I roll.
And keep putting everything in. I wouldn't worry about people saying you're obsessed. I imagine they haven't been in your position. I have, and I was obsessed too, and perhaps unhealthily obsessed, but I knew if I didn't try everything I'd never manage to get past it. (And then I got really really lucky and I hope you do too). xx
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ReplyDeleteI agree with what Amanda said. When you are infertile you have to actively do things to give yourself a shot at the most natural thing in the world. And the things you have to do are heavy things. They take time, money,emotional investment, physical sacrifice, they require you to ask really hard questions and yet still, it is all out of your hands at the end of the day. It is a big call and as someone who has faced other serious health problems I can honestly say it is a very similar experience. You fight because there is no other choice.
ReplyDeleteThere is simply no way to get through it without being 110% focused and committed and you simply can't switch off the intense feelings between cycles. As far as I can tell you live a very full life and you bring love and joy to many others. You hold strong to your faith and play an active role in your church community and you have a great family whom you are never far from. You also have a job that requires commitment and you play sports and spend a lot of quality time with your husband and your doggie. You are doing a brilliant job at keeping it together and so many of us completely understand where you are coming from.
Sorry about the earlier delete- I accidentally logged on as Clayton.