I spoke to Adoption Services an hour ago. At this stage the medical panel wont recommend me for adoption because my BMI is over the 35 limit.
The kicker is that the legislation has no mention of a weight limit, nor does any paperwork in the process so far, nor has anyone mentioned this in our workshops or numerous phone calls and face-to-face meetings.
The other thing mentioned was that they would want my doctor to also provide more information on my depression. I questioned the adoption coordinator as to why my initial medical report was accepted with no questions at all, when my weight and depression were all a part of the initial medical report done in April last year. She couldn’t answer me. She also couldn't tell me why I hadn't been told about the weight limit and couldn’t point out where it was written in any of the documentation.
This was my big hope, the thing that has kept me going. My heart is in a million pieces right now, and I am not coping at all with this new hurdle. How many things can be thrown at me? I can't get my head around the losing weight, the time and effort and energy expended that I will need to put in, I cant even imagine me at the weight they want me to be at. There is such a mental block with my weight, something I can't lift.
We have the option to continue with the adoption process, but we were advised that the full adoption panel rarely, if ever, approve applicants who are not recommended by the medical panel, and she suggested that we put it 'on hold' for now. Right. I feel like I've spent the last five years 'on hold'.
I can barely breathe.
oh this annoys me SO much.
ReplyDeletei'm SO sorry Bec. if you were up to it, i'd challenge it - mainly because at no point did anyone mention any weight/bmi limitations, if there are restrictions in place, then they need to be clearly stated BEFORE entering into the application process, otherwise you're just wasting not only your money but also your time and theirs.
what pisses me off even more about this decision for you, is that all the board should be concerned about is that the children they are placing into adoption get the best parents possible - i never knew your ability to be a great parent depended on how much you weighed - did you? and if it does then why are biological children not being taken off their overweight biological parents?
easy because whether or not you'd make a good parent doesn't come down to how you may or may not weigh.
there are just not enough words to say how disappointed and sad i am for you Bec - you'd make a fantastic parent, they're blind if they can't see that.
big hugs, love ya guts.
~x~
I just do not understand how weight can become a factor in the adoption process. I am feeling for you hun... this just sucks and I wish I could make it all better for you.
ReplyDeleteI am really am sorry.
This is so unfair!!!! Sending you big, big hugs!
ReplyDeleteThat is just disgusting. I can think of at least two women who physically should never have been able to have kids because they are ENORMOUS. But they still get to hold their precious babies and nobody calls them unfit to parent do they??? There is no panel of people sitting in a room at the maternity ward saying so-and-so is too fat therefore she shouldn't be allowed to take her baby home!
ReplyDeleteCan't they at least factor in that you have had umpteen rounds of IVF and the drugs mess around with your hormones which makes it easier to gain weight and harder to lose it? Perhaps you could get a letter from your FS or GP to back you?
It's just so unfair and cruel that they judge you like this. Not after all the money and grief you have gone through. It should be blindingly obvious that this child you are ready to adopt will get a loving, nurturing home.
As for the depression, alot of people suffer it, doesn't mean that we are cursed with it for life. What the hell do they expect from you, have they no idea how much of a burden infertility places on people?
Always thinking of you and wanting a baby so badly for you and Murray xo