Day 19

I am so nervous. I've done this 13 times before, I should be used to it by now. But I am so scared that we wont get to egg collection. I'm petrified the doctor will say we have to many follicles and risk of hyperstimulation is too high. I worry that my call from the nurses each afternoon will say my hormone levels are too high, or too low, or too something. I have never felt the rollercoaster as much as I have this round.

I don't have a Plan B. I have always had something else to move onto - first it was IVM, then IVF, then frozen transfers, donor sperm and adoption. But we are all out of options. Right now this is the only option, and it is a one time deal according to our Dr. I can't afford to have this fail. I'm not sure my heart can deal with another failure. I keep having these fleeting moments of hope, which I have to squash down so I don't set myself up for a fall. And then I play with my bestie's littlies next door, and my heart beats squeals at me to keep going.

My scan this morning showed around a dozen follicles on each side, the biggest at 16mm with a bunch of 10-14mm follicles trailing. I will update when I know what my estrogen levels are and what is happening next. My guess is another blood test tomorrow, possibly triggering Wednesday night and egg collection on Friday. Trying to keep my head screwed on, and not panic too much. Gosh it is hard.

Edited to add that my blood test results are back and my estrogen levels have dropped to 2200. The clinic can't explain it, and I don't understand it. They said that it may indicate a quality issue, but considering I haven't had that issue before, they are still proceeding. Off for another blood test in the morning.