Her story isn't ours to tell, but she needed a home, and our names came up as potential foster parents, likely on a permanent basis.
It was completely out of left field. First we had to consider if we could practically do it. We have a spare room set up, we wouldn't need additional furniture, the local primary school is just down the road, we can arrange for me to work school hours etc. So the practicalities of it weren't a deal-breaker.
So then it came down to, is this actually something we want to do? And is it the right circumstances for us?
We prayed hard. We discussed lots of different angles. We listened to each other's thoughts. We argued. We hugged.
In the end, we came to the decision that it was not right for us. The deal breaker was that it would take away our adoption approval, and that is a hurdle that neither of us were able to get past.
It really stirred some things up for us around parenting. Murray has always looked forward to having an older child – helping them with their homework and after school sports, after all he is a high school teacher. Whereas I crave the baby and young child stages – teaching them their alphabet and taking them to the zoo to see an elephant for the first time. Murray was much more okay with the potential fostering situation than I was because it fit his needs, but it would have been a huge loss for me, to miss those stages of parenting.
I know some might see the decision as selfish, hell so do I. But I'm okay with the decision, which is all I have to be.
It has definitely opened our minds to the potential of doing long term/permanent foster care down the road if an adoption doesn't eventuate.
This doesn't sound like a selfish decision it all. It sounds like you made the decision that was right for you guys -- and by extension it has to be the right one for the young girl; should you have said yes when you weren't sure it was right, how could that have been a good situation for her? She needs, and deserve, people who can wholly commit to her.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you guys did absolutely the right thing for all people involved.
I don't think this was a selfish decision at all. Parenting is a lifelong commitment and you BOTH have to be in it 100% to be sure it is right. I know you want to be parents more than anything but the right situation will happen. HUGS!
ReplyDelete