Day 25 - 5dp3dt

I'm ready to test and just be done with it all. I know nothing will show up this early, and I will hold out for a while yet but I just want this over with. If I'm not pregnant, I don't want to be filled with hope that is then going to hurt me further.

6 more days until the blood test.

Day 23 - Waiting

This part of the process is always hard. Even though the logical side of me says that the odds are unlikely (I've guessed around 10-15% success), it doesn't stop my brain and heart running off together each night, thinking about twins and baby names and why sports they might play when they are older. 

I should know better, but can you do when your mind wants to play games with you. Murray and I are being strong in our faith that whatever the outcome, it will be right for us. 

Day 20 - Double embryo transfer

We had two day 3 embryos transferred today - a 5 cell and a 7 cell embryo.

While it doesn't look super promising, the fact that we made it to transfer is enough for me right now. The three that divided kept growing overnight, and I have to call back this afternoon to see if we will have any to freeze, but it is unlikely.

My blood test is Saturday December 5th. I'll try not to test beforehand, but it is my work Christmas party the day before so I probably will on the Friday so I can have a drink if I feel like it.

So that's it - our last egg collection and transfer. Good luck little embies.

Day 19- 3/14 survive

Unfortunately overnight only 3 of the 14 fertilised eggs divided into embryos- the rest have arrested (died/stopped growing).

We are going in for our transfer at 11.45 tomorrow and will have 2 x day 3 embryos transferred, as long as they are still dividing.

I'm upset but there isn't much I can do about it so trying not to dwell on it.

Day 18 - Fertilisation results

I'm out of the post-up fogginess from yesterday so can finally sit down and write about how the day went. As you know, we got 17 eggs which is a really good result - I wanted between 10 and 20, and really didn't want more than 20 as that puts me at risk of ovarian hyperstimulation. 17 is pretty much my sweet spot!

We did get some not so great news though. After all of Murray's amazing sperm test results of late, his sample on the day was very poor. Only 0.01% motile sperm was available, which is pretty much non-existent. The embryologist was pretty shocked by the result considering how well he had been doing, but prepared us that we may not get great fertilisation results. We are using ICSI though so obviously that works in our favour.

I rang the clinic this afternoon for our fertilisation results and we had 14 eggs fertilised! 1 egg wasn't suitable for injection, so of the 16 injected, 14 came through which is such a good result.

I had a bit of a chat with the embryologist about options going forward, as the clinic doesn't seem to have all my records from my previous clinic when we used Murray's sperm. We have a history of embryo's arresting from day 3-5, whereby we can have lots still going at day 3 and then nothing by day 5. I'm thinking that a double embryo transfer at day 3 might be our best option, just in case there is nothing that makes it to blastocyst. I don't know, I'm happy to be guided by Dr Williams, and they do allow day 4 transfers which could be a good compromise. I just want to make sure that we get a transfer after all of this.

Photo of me just before egg collection - trying to stay calm!

Day 17- Egg Collection

Just a quick post that egg collection went well today. I got 17 eggs and am doing okay

Day 16 - Be calm my anxious heart

I'm trying not go down the what if path. I am trying to trust God, and let his will be done. And I know that after all this time the odds are low of success. I know and I try and I trust. But I am also scared that this is it. Our last chance.

Day 15 - Ready to (pull the) trigger!

My Egg Collection has been booked in for this Saturday at 11.20am. My blood test this morning showed my estrogen at 10510, LH at 3 and Progesterone at 3.4, so we are all good to go. I wish I had another ultrasound so I could see if they have grown anymore but I have to trust that they are all there waiting to be extracted.

So what happens next…

Thursday

• Stop my Puregon/Orgalutran/Luveris injections – yay! My stomach is feeling very tender!
• Take 1 x Ranitadine tablet tonight – this is because I have had a gastric sleeve
• Take my antibiotics tablets 2 x Azithromycin (500mg)
• Tonight at 11.20pm take my Ovidrel trigger injections

Friday

• Nothing to eat or drink after 11.20pm. The extra long fasting time is because of the gastric sleeve. They need to make sure that my stomach is completely empty as food and water can regurgitate while under anesthetic which can then be inhaled into the wind pipe and lungs, so they are super careful.

Saturday

• Another antacid at 5am with a teaspoon of water
• Check in to Concept at 10am
• Egg Collection!
• Hopefully be released mid-afternoon

So that’s it! Fingers crossed we get a good number of eggs, they fertilise well, and then grow, grow, grow! I don’t want to put a number on the amount of eggs I want to get, but I definitely have an idea of what I would like to get.

Day 14 - keep growing follicles!

My follicles are continuing to grow, but they are just not ready to ovulate yet.
As of this morning I have 25 follicles plus more antral follicles growing! I even managed to get a picture of my ultrasound so you can see the little eggs growing!
1 x 20mm
1 x 16mm
3 x 15mm
1 x 14mm
5 x 13mm
9 x 12mm
2 x 11mm

10+ <10mm p="">

Follicles on the ultrasound

My estrogen is at 9019, LH is 2 and progesterone is 2.1.

I am having another blood test tomorrow morning, and from there we expect to trigger tomorrow night and go to egg collection on Saturday!

Three injections a day is wearing very thin though – my stomach looks (and feels!) like a pin cushion. The Luveris injection is a touch itchy but not as bad as the Orgalutran.  We had a panicky moment this moment when I couldn’t find the Luveris medication anywhere – eventually I found them in the bin! Murray had done a clean up in the early hours of the morning and was so distracted that he thought they were empty and threw them out! Luckily they were fine and I was still able to use them. Final blood test tomorrow – I don’t want my estrogen to go any higher!

Latest follicle count

Day 12 - Growing lots of follicles

 

Today's scan showed that my follicles are still growing and there are lots of them! 17 follicles 10mm or larger, with another 16+ follicles smaller than 10mm. The lead follicle is 16mm currently, so egg collection looks like it will be on Friday or Saturday. 

My estrogen is at 5401 which I think is at the high end, but considering the number of follicles I have, it makes sense. My LH has dropped to 1 and so my doctor has added a LH medication to keep egg quality good. I had a Luveris injection this afternoon, and I will be doing one of those each morning until my ovulation trigger injection. The limited research I've done this afternoon seems to show it as a positive step, so I am happy with that. 

I have another blood test and scan on Wednesday to see where we are at, and fingers crossed we will get a trigger time and egg collection time! I'm feeling generally quite positive with this cycle. Murray and I have spoken several times about what happens if it doesn't work, and while we no doubt will have strong emotions, we are trying to keep everything in perspective.

10th wedding anniversary - Renewing our vows

On Saturday, we celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary by renewing our vows in front of our friends and family.
Professional photos are in the works but I've posted some snapshots from the day.

We held a picnic in Queens Gardens next to the cricket ground, and even though it was hot (40 degrees!), it ended up being lovely and breezy in the shade. Nearly 100 people came along for our picnic lunch and ceremony.

It was really special for us, and something we have planned for a while. While we believe marriage is for life, we also believe in choosing to be together and actively commuting to our marriage. We'd like to renew our vows every ten years (next time I think a tropical island by ourselves sounds nice!) but we'll see what happens in 2025!

The last ten years have been hard, not on our relationship, but just some of the situations we have gone through. That we have come through so strongly- this ceremony was to reflect that as well as our growth and maturity in our relationship.

Day 11

8 follicles bigger than 10mm at the latest scan on Saturday morning. Estrogen was at 2600 which is a nice rise, LH 4 and I can't remember the progesterone but it was low which is fine.

My Day 9 estrogen level was only 990 so I'm glad it has increased a bit. I'm only on 100iu pure hon which is quite low so very grateful my body is responding! I also started taking my orgaultran injection this morning- not the most pleasant of injections (I get so itchy afterwards!) but it's not too painful so that's good.

Off for another blood test and scan tomorrow morning.

Day 6 results

Just got the call with my bloodwork results – My estrogen is 236, LH is 3 and Progesterone is 1.1. The specialist has said for me to stay on the same dose and said ‘let’s go gently’. I hate this part of the cycle – the second guessing of whether my body will cooperate, whether the drugs will work, whether I will even make it to egg collection.

Day 6

Went for my blood test and scan this morning. Scan showed typical PCOS – loads of antral follicles (10 on my right ovary, 15 on my left ovary). There was one 10mm follicle on my right and a couple of 6-9mm follicles, but nothing much to write home about. I am only on 100iu Puregon at the moment, so I'm hoping they will up my dose to at least 125iu, just to give it a helpful push.

 

I'm feeling really wiped out today. Fatigue has really gotten to me and I'm struggling to push through it.

Day 5 Injections

Another day, another injection done. To be honest, they don't worry me all too much these days. In saying that, the Orgalutran ones are much nastier so fingers crossed I don't have to do them for too many days!

My work has been super supportive of doing IVF. My boss knows what is going on and has encouraged me to take time off to relax during the process. I have this upcoming Thursday, Friday and Monday off, which is helpful to finish everything off for the vow renewal on Saturday. Then I also have two consecutive Wednesday's off which should be after embryo transfer. Hopefully everything goes smoothly and I can just take it easy on those days.

I'm probably not going to do acupuncture this cycle. It hasn't made much of a difference in the past for me, and the stress of trying to get to appointments really isn't worth it for me.

Cycle 98, Fertility Treatment Cycle #20, Full IVF #9

I got my period on Friday so we have officially started our IVF cycle. I started my Puregon injections on Saturday morning, and I have my first blood test and ultrasound on Tuesday morning. I am only on 100iu each day as my FS wants to gauge how my body reacts before we play with the dose some more. Fingers crossed my body is doing what it is meant to do and reacts well.

I'm definitely more nervous about this cycle than I have been in the past, yet I also feel a great peace. I know my contentment comes from God, and that whatever He has planned for me will play out and be the right thing. I am praying that His will be done (and hoping above hope that His will involves me being a mother!)

Prayers

I keep thinking 'what if'. What if this works. Thinking about prams and due dates and after-school activities. I'm trying not to get carried away, but my brain always does this. Every time I give myself permission to hope, it ends in disaster.

My constant prayer has been that whatever God wills, let it be done. If that means no children, then I know he has a plan for me, that I can't do with a child. Maybe I am destined to adopt? Maybe he wants to be available for some other great adventure. I don't know, but I have to trust in his infinite wisdom.