Regular programming

We had our public IVF appointment today and I have come out of it exhausted. After updating all our medical reports, we went back to the KEMH fertility clinic, expecting to get our referral to Concept (our regular fertility clinic) for our publicly funded IVF.

We went through some of the results briefly to bring the Dr up to speed, and then I mentioned that we had one 2 day donated embryo sitting in storage which was our 'insurance' if we didnt get fertilisation or anything to transfer. Well straight away the Dr said that we couldn't proceed onto the publicly funded IVF as part of the rules are that you cannot be undertaking any fertility treatment.

I explained the situation but apparently undertaking any fertility treatment includes having no embryos in storage, regardless of if they are your gametes or have been donated to you. I just burst into tears, and the Dr went to have a conference with a senior doctor to confirm that was correct. I pulled myself together, and the doctor came back and confirmed that was the ruling by the health department. She then took us to see the fertility counsellor to discuss what our options were.

It was good to have that chat - we had met with that counsellor many years ago when we first started IVF treatment and you had to undergo compulsory counselling prior to commencing IVF, so she vaguely knew a little of our history. We decided that we would relinquish our claim on the embryo and give it back to the clinic to potentially reallocate. The reason we were upset was because in the moment, it sounded like we had to make a decision to either use the embryo straight away, which we didn't plan to do, or make a decision to destroy it. That seems silly now that I am away from the situation, but in the heat of the moment I felt like that was the decision I had to make and my heart just broke, as we are firmly against deliberate destruction of embryos. On top of that, we have had many cycles where no embryos were available for transfer, so the loss of our back up plan in the event of that occurring was very upsetting.

Anyhow, it seems to be all sorted now, but I need to contact the public clinic to let them know about the reallocation of the donated embryo, and then they will send the referral through. I have no idea how long that will all take, and to be honest I don't care right now. I am just trying to get all of our adoption paperwork under control for our two year renewal, and that is taking all of my focus.

I spoke with the adoption agency last week, and they have said there are no children at the moment looking to be placed in the near future. There are a couple of babies in care but they are some distance from being placed, if indeed the birth parents don't choose to parent. I just wish we would get that call.

We had a great weekend babysitting my best friends 6 year old this past Saturday. We played board games, coloured in and drew, baked biscuits, watched basketball and went out for breakfast and to a park. I am eternally grateful to friends and family who have allowed us to be part of their children's lives, even though we may not get the opportunity to be parents ourselves. We love children so much, that weekends like that make my heart sing, even if there are bitter-sweet moments when they leave.

Enough blathering, that's pretty much where we are at. Oh and our new house is fantastic - one of the best things we have ever done. Photos to come - promise!