Babysitting duty

I am on babysitting duty tonight for my two beautiful nephews. William is nearly three, and Kevin is four months old. Murray and his sister go to the football together every fortnight and his sisters husband is away at the moment so I got the pleasure of the little guys' company for the evening.

We played with cars, cooked dinner together, watched some football and then had milk and off to bed. Little Kevin has been napping with two bottles drunk around his naps. I swear there is something beautiful about feeding a baby. Kevin was looking in my eyes, drinking his bottle and snuggled up next to me. It's peaceful and so loving. I hope I get to do a lot of that with our child.

We have been focusing all our attention on adoption for the last year or so, but over the past two weeks, I've been thinking about the possibility of seeing my fertility specialist. It's just an idea at this stage, to investigate what donor sperm is currently available at our clinic, and consider the possibility of perhaps doing a cycle of donor insemination.

I sought counsel from some friends, because I feel unfaithful for even considering the idea. I don't want people to think that adoption is my second choice, or a 'backup' because its not. I'm committed to it and I would love to parent a child that we adopted. However does that mean I should just so and wait and not consider fertility treatment any further. At last count there were 46 couples in the approved adoption pool. Even at an above average number of 8 children placed per year, that's potentially a 6 year wait- if we be replaced at all!

We don't have the money to consider IVF unless the public program starts up again, which is likely to be at lest twelve months away. But donor IUI works out to around $700 out of pocket per attempt once we reach the Medicare safety net which is definitely doable. Our previous know donor doesn't have any frozen sperm left which would mean fresh samples, and to be honest, I don't want to have to ask anyone for anything. The idea of using the donated sperm that is already at the clinic appeals to me at the minute, where we just select it, and don't have to think about the logistics of anything.

We have sent an email to the clinic donor coordinator just to see what the donor list is looking like, and from there we will consider our options. There isn't much point pursuing something that isn't available, so once we have all of the information available to us, we can make a decision.

We shall see...

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