Disbelief

We were expecting to hear back from the panel early this week- they like to get the letters out within two weeks of the committee meeting. We were so nervous, I asked my friend who lives next door to check the mail each day and let me know, so I could prepare for coming home on the day we got the news. Each day came and went without any news, and the coordinator had said the letters would be sent in Tuesdays mail so when Friday lunchtime they hadn't arrived, I rang up the department.

Our usual coordinator doesn't work on Friday's so I spoke to the duty officer and practically begged to find out the result. I even offered to drive over there so that I could pick up the letter directly from them if that was what they needed. He told me he would call me back in half an hour. I was sitting in a training course on a new software program when the call came through, and so I ran out to a free meeting room to await the news.

First he made me verify my identity to confirm it really was us. Then, very casually, he said "Well, you're approved". I burst into tears, sobbing down the phone, unable to get a word out. The guy on the other end seemed really surprised by my reaction and asked if we didn't think we would be approved. I explained between sobs that we had to present to the committee and there were six different points that they were considering not approving us on. He then said that we must have done very well with our presentation because the committee doesn't often change their minds. I thanked him, and he said he would email through a copy of the letter for our peace of mind.

I just couldn't believe it. I couldn't stop crying, I was overwhelmed with so many emotions all at once: relief that we could stop trying to prove ourselves, joy that we might actually become parents, and utter amazement that this was happening, despite everything that we had gone through. Te only way I can compare the joy is that I felt as happy as the moment we got our positive pregnancy test. That moment of knowing that you are going to be parents. It's amazing.

Murray was in class teaching at the time so the only way I could contact him was to send an email and hope he looked at it during class, as he can't check his phone.

I simply wrote APPROVED!!!!!!!!

It seemed like an age before I could talk to him, but in reality it was only 20 minutes. I cried on the phone to him, and he had his workmates all around him cheering. It was such a precious moment. I also got to speak to my Mum and Dad who were thrilled to bits and overwhelmed with the news as well. I also told my friends at work and the whole department are so excited for me. Lets just say I spent a fair chunk of my afternoon with tears in my eyes!

We feel completely blessed, our prayers have been answered.  There is still a long road ahead. Being approved doesn't guarantee that we will be placed with a child. Unlike international adoption where you are on a waiting list and eventually it will be your turn, local adoption is more like a pool of applicants. Then when a child is placed for adoption, the birth parents get input as to what environment they want their child brought up. For example they could say they want a young married couple who can't have kids - hey that's us! From that, the department decide on a couple of applicants to put forward and their profiles get shown to the birth parents who make the decision.

So although we are approved, we don't know if or when we will have a child placed with us. It could be six weeks away, or three years, or possibly never if there isn't a good fit for us. But equally, it could be any day. That thought fills me with joy. Our child could have been born today! Or even already to be alive and in foster care. I offer up silent prayers for the children, of which one may end up being our son or daughter.

Today is a joyous day.