An outsiders view

During the adoption assessment process, Murray and I talked a lot. We talked about ourselves, our backgrounds, what made us love each other, how our relationship has coped with different stressors, and about our life plans. You don’t really think too much about some of these things, after all they have happened to ourselves – why do we need to talk about them if we have experienced them directly?

While obviously we didn’t get the recommendation that we wanted from our assessor, the report we received was a very interesting read. It was like reading about these completely different people. You recognised yourself and your partner, yet it was a strange feeling seeing us through someone else’s eyes. Especially when that someone else is a psychologist without any other knowledge of who we are.

While the report itself is private and not for sharing willy-nilly, there are some bits that I’d like to share, if only to help me remind myself of what we have achieved – a resilient marriage filled with respect and love for one another.

“Murray presents as a softly spoken, reflective and caring man - exuding a warm, gentle and kind nature. Rebecca appears to be the more confident of the two, often taking the lead in conversations. She is clearly very caring, intelligent, warm and friendly in her communications and interactions”

“In observing their demeanour both applicants appeared to have an easy quality to their communications with each other. They appear to communicate openly with each other on most things and generally agree on what they considered to be important.”

“Rebecca and Murray were able to listen to each other’s view point and yet arrive at their own conclusions on issues or topics. In situations where they did not agree they were able to discuss the situation and their differences openly and respectfully and where appropriate good humouredly.”

“Rebecca and Murray appear to have a very solid and secure relationship based on close friendship, mutual respect and love. Most importantly they appear to have a realistic view of marriage and their commitment to each other and appear to be happy and content in their relationship”

The adoption panel met today. We don’t know the result yet, and we might not know for up to two weeks, until we receive a letter with the final determination. We know it is unlikely we will be approved. But I still have hope. And I have my husband. And my God. That’s all that matters.