Not a No, Not a Yes

We haven't received our letter from Adoption Services yet but I finally got the courage to call the department. The adoption worker said that at this stage the panel agreed with what our assessor had said, however it was not a complete rejection at this stage, and she asked if we would like to meet two of the panel members to hear from them what their concerns are and how we can demonstrate that we are suitable adoptive parents.

So we are booked in on September 4th to meet two of the panel members. Hopefully it is a positive meeting and we are able to show who we are and convince them that we are suitable adoptive parents. I'm not pinning my hopes on it though. I'm making myself as numb as I can through this part of the process. If I have to process fully what this finding means for us, I'm not sure I would get through. Much easier that I allow myself to not think about anything too hard right now.

An outsiders view

During the adoption assessment process, Murray and I talked a lot. We talked about ourselves, our backgrounds, what made us love each other, how our relationship has coped with different stressors, and about our life plans. You don’t really think too much about some of these things, after all they have happened to ourselves – why do we need to talk about them if we have experienced them directly?

While obviously we didn’t get the recommendation that we wanted from our assessor, the report we received was a very interesting read. It was like reading about these completely different people. You recognised yourself and your partner, yet it was a strange feeling seeing us through someone else’s eyes. Especially when that someone else is a psychologist without any other knowledge of who we are.

While the report itself is private and not for sharing willy-nilly, there are some bits that I’d like to share, if only to help me remind myself of what we have achieved – a resilient marriage filled with respect and love for one another.

“Murray presents as a softly spoken, reflective and caring man - exuding a warm, gentle and kind nature. Rebecca appears to be the more confident of the two, often taking the lead in conversations. She is clearly very caring, intelligent, warm and friendly in her communications and interactions”

“In observing their demeanour both applicants appeared to have an easy quality to their communications with each other. They appear to communicate openly with each other on most things and generally agree on what they considered to be important.”

“Rebecca and Murray were able to listen to each other’s view point and yet arrive at their own conclusions on issues or topics. In situations where they did not agree they were able to discuss the situation and their differences openly and respectfully and where appropriate good humouredly.”

“Rebecca and Murray appear to have a very solid and secure relationship based on close friendship, mutual respect and love. Most importantly they appear to have a realistic view of marriage and their commitment to each other and appear to be happy and content in their relationship”

The adoption panel met today. We don’t know the result yet, and we might not know for up to two weeks, until we receive a letter with the final determination. We know it is unlikely we will be approved. But I still have hope. And I have my husband. And my God. That’s all that matters.

The trifecta: Holidays, adoption and fertility treatment

Our application to adopt goes to the aptly named Adoption Application Committee on Tuesday. We wont find out the result for a week or two afterwards as they write a letter which explains the outcome and what our options are.

We expect that we will not be approved as prospective adoptive applicants, due to the lack of a recommendation by our assessor. We have written an addendum to the report to give our perspective on how we would raise a child and our financial status, but we don't how much, if any, impact that will have on the panel. Whatever happens, we know that it's not up to us anymore. Now we hope and pray that they will see us for the parents we could be.

In other fertility related news, we have our appointment date for the public fertility clinic - 11th November. There are a bunch of tests we need to do before the appointment, so I will get onto those shortly. I will be having a pelvic ultrasound, and I'm really interested in seeing how my weight loss has affected my PCOS. So far my ovulation appears to have been restored, with very regular cycles of around 28/29 days, so I wonder if I still have the classic 'string of pearls' follicles on my ovaries.

It is also nearly 12 months since I had my gastric sleeve surgery and I have lost 51kg to date (or 112 pounds for my US friends). I'm feeling great, and have posted some photos over at Lose and Hope if you want to pop over and look.

In other news, we spent the July school holiday's in Melbourne and Sydney, which was really nice despite having Bronchitis the whole time. I got to attend State of Origin game 3 which New South Wales unfortunately lost, plus a Friday night football game at the MCG! We went and saw King Kong at the theatre which was incredible, and I got to spend lots of quality time with my youngest brother Daniel who lives in Sydney. Time for some photos!

Snow cuddles!

At Mt Buller seeing snow for the first time

A little slice of Mexico in Melbourne

Waiting to go in at the theatre

At the MCG

Our hotel room in Sydney - I highly recommend the Swissotel!

The Rocks - a lovely spot for a walk on Sunday afternoon

Walking back from Chinatown

We had perfect weather nearly the whole time we were there

Darling Harbour

Sydney Aquarium

Swimming with the fishes...

My brother and I

Off to State of Origin

Daniel and I chilling out

Lunch in Cronulla

Mmmm icecream!

Walking by Cronulla Beach