Injury, illness, the depression paradigm

Well I lasted Monday to Thursday at work, by the time I woke up on Friday I was mentally and physically exhausted and just couldn't force myself to go to work. So for the last two days I have been lying on my couch, alternating between watching the huge amount of sport that is on (Australian Open, Big Bash League Cricket, Basketball etc), snoozing when I feel the need, and coughing my guts up. Delightful.

I'm not a good sick person. I don't cope. Luckily my depression has been kept at bay this week by having to focus on work during the day and then basically falling in a heap and going to sleep at night. I'm usually a very strong person, very independent who doesn't mind in the least when my husband goes out and does other things. This week though, it's really stressing me out. Murray had to go out to church on Tuesday and Wednesday for meetings, and I really struggled being at home without him. Then obviously I was at home yesterday by myself, last night he went out with his Dad, all day today he was out on a fundraiser for his mission trip and tonight he is at the cricket. By no means am I angry at him for doing these things- I love that he goes out to all of these things. Its just that I'm so fragile at the moment... I just really wish he was here with me. I feel more 'normal', more like myself when he is around. When I'm by myself, my head is all over the place.

Hopefully over the next week, my body will work through all of this crap and I will finally get through the fog. Gastro, sciatica, a cold. What more can be thrown at me!

The Daily Grind

 I'm back at work. My cold has gotten worse, my leg is slightly better. It's hard to concentrate on work but I'm slowly getting there. Hubby has just gotten home from a church meeting, and we are going to snuggle in and watch the latest Gossip Girl episode. 

Hope everyone else is doing well.

000 Emergency

 Last night was one for the books. I made my first 000 call. For myself. 

I went to bed around 10pm and woke at 1am with awful chest pain. My skin went all clammy and I became dizzy and nauseous. Luckily the ambulance arrived within five or so minutes and they looked after me really well. The pain was based in my sternum and they couldn't diagnose what caused it but my heart was fine thank goodness. My blood pressure was quite low but other than that, nothing wrong. After a while the pain starting easing off and although the ambulance officers suggested they  take me to the emergency department, I declined and Murray monitored me until the pain fully went away. I don't think I could handle two hospital visits in one week.

All in all, quite a scary experience but very lucky that it was nothing serious. The paramedic said it could be related to the drugs that I have been taking for the sciatica, or a muscle complaint, or something completely unrelated.

Otherwise, I did a lot better today. My mother-in-law came over in the morning to check in on me which was nice, then I had a long nap and spent the evening with a friend watching an old 90's movie. It was exactly what I needed to get some normality back into my life. Now I am just hoping and praying that each day continuously gets better, and my depression and and anxiety get under control. 

Oops, forgot to mention in the flurry of it all. I got my MRI results back which show disc protrusion at L4/L5 and more significant protrusion at L5/S1 so I am being referred to the hospitals Spine and Pain Management Unit. Hopefully they can help this not reoccur!

Enough drama for 2012 already, hopefully I have used my quota for the year.

Today

 This is really tough.

Depression sucks. 

Health update

I am doing much better today. My pain levels are under control with just neurogenic, so no more codeine or oxy thank goodness! I still have loss of feeling and pins and needles and very weak, but I can cope with all of that. My MRI was last night so I am off to the dr tomorrow to get them checked over to see what we can do to fix it and prevent it from happening again. I am also going to have Bowen therapy to or row to help manage the symptoms. 

I think the worst part of the weekend, obviously besides the pain, was the way my mental health suffered so much. It wasn't just the injury, it was the effect it had on not being at work, having to give up an amazing acting job opportunity, and not being able to hand in a uni assignment, all of which got me stressed out to the point of thinking bad thoughts and suffering anxiety attacks. In the end, Murray had to take two days off work to look after me and make sure I was okay. It's been really tough on both of us. I'm just glad that I am thinking clearly again and ready to star thinking about getting back to work and normal life. 

Thanks for all your thoughts and well wishes xxx

Progress

My sciatic pain has shifted a bit. It is still awful but now it alternates between being agony, and then periods of numbness with pins and needles, all the way down and including my feet. I am walking with a limp and have lost all strength in my left leg. The first time I got out of bed, I fell over because I wasn't expecting it! I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, at least the numbness has given me some relief from the 72 hours of agony.

I'm busy trying to finish off a uni assignment that was due on Thursday, which is giving me no end of grief. I was struggling with it before I got the injury, but in my oxy-haze, absolutely nothing is making sense to me. Luckily I was given an extension until today, but I don't think I will be making that deadline!

In other random news, I have been using all this new found spare time filling in my new 2012 diary! This year I got a Kikki K red A5 diary and I love it! It's my christmas present to myself each year as it usually takes me a couple of months to find the exact right diary that is 'the one'! My neurosis, I know! So I have busily put on all important dates and holidays that are coming up - it's quite exciting to see everything we are doing in the next month or two.

Hopefully the next blog entry will see me being pain free, back to work, and feeling good!

Pain

I am currently writhing in pain on my lounge suite. I have the most agonizing pain running down the back/side of my left leg which the dr has said is sciatica. I haven't had a moment pain free in 48 hours and I'm about to lose the plot. The locum doctor just visited our house and gave me some oxycodone and Voltaren rapid to help control the pain 

I'm so tired of having things wrong with my body. I had gastro for a few days after the new year, my SIJ back pain came back and now this.  I'm so frustrated that I can't just be healthy. Once this is under control I am on the war path to getting myself in better condition. I have signed up to Michelle Bridge's 12 week body transformation which I am hoping will help set me up with some better habits for eating and exercise.  My physio is also going to work on remedial Pilates with me to help build strength in my back.

On that note I'm signing off as the drugs are making me just a little loopy- hopefully I get some pain relief from  this soon.