One of my good friends has just had her husband leave her. Completely out of the blue, he decided that he didn't love her any more and that their marriage was over. They have a gorgeous two year old girl and have been married for three years.
I am in shock. This is a man who doted on his wife and daughter. Like every couple They had their ups and downs but nobody would ever think that they wouldn't make it. She doesn't know if there is some one else, if he has felt this way for a particular reason - nothing.
Another of my friends broke off her marriage at the end of last year. Infertility damaged them badly, to the point where although she still loves her husband, she won't stay with him because he won't consider a particular fertility treatment. He has virtually no sperm but wont consider using a donor. Bit the issue isnt that he wont use a donor, its that he Won't even discuss it, won't say why he doesn't want to use it, simply won't even broach the subject with her. My friend is 40 and is now making the decision whether to give up her dreams of a child or go it alone.
I feel so blessed to be with Murray. We found each other early in life and married young. We have battles but we fight them together, without turning on each other. When times are tough, we offer support, not harsh words. We celebrate the good times together as well. He is my best friend and I wouldn't want anyone else.
For all of our misfortune with infertility, I wish everyone was as lucky as me in love
Its so good to hear you talk so positively about your marriage. Sometimes I wonder if you don't realise that you have a wonderful partnership with M, and how well you've done to get it to the point it is at. Its something for us non-marrieds to look up to xx
ReplyDeleteIn the few years that I have known you via the forums etc I have really admired the way you and Murray have united and soldiered on together, there is no doubt in my mind that you two will make fiercely loving parents. You are definitely soul mates who will be together forever.
ReplyDeleteHow sad for your friends!
ReplyDeleteWe are both so lucky to have such wonderful and supportive husbands!
IF can be such a challenge, I am SO lucky that this has brought my DH and I closer together, instead of farther apart. My heart goes out to your friends!
ReplyDeletethe one thing Guv has always said from day dot of us trying is that if we couldn't have children, i would be enough for him - that i am eternally grateful for.
ReplyDeletei know many couples who have broken up after less of a journey than we've been on and without as many losses and when i read/hear about them, it makes me realise how strong Guv and i actually are.
as hard as it is for your friends, if my partner didn't want to be with me, i wouldn't want them to stay. that being said, to not know WHY they didn't want to be with me, would be hard to deal with, so i truly feel for your friend.
as for your friend who broke off her marriage because her husband wouldn't consider a certain fertility treatment - i really struggle with that. we are never going to have children [unless a true miracle DOES happen] but i love Guv enough to spend the rest of my days with him - i married him for better or worse and despite my yearning for a child, OUR love is more important, it's sad that your friend didn't feel that way about her husband.
~x~
I'm so happy for you both to have a strong and true love. Your post rings so true for me too. Despite the enormous sadness and fear that infertility brings, I wouldn't trade it in if that meant swapping my husband for a marriage that was "okay". Never in a billion years. Life without children would be so very sad but life without my husband and our cats would be more than I could bear. Thinking of you and wishing you a great outcome in 2011 xx
ReplyDeleteI love that you and Murray have such a rock solid union Bec.. I miss you by the way(mwah).
ReplyDeleteat the risk of hijacking you blog I would like to clarify one thing in reply to Miss Ruby (and yes I am the friend who broke off her marriage because the husband doesnt want to consider donor). MFI is a big issue for him and he wont admit it. He says he only wants his bio child or nothing. Counselling is out of the question wont even consider it. He has fallen deeper into a depressed state since our diagnoses MFI 4 years ago. We are separated but still living together in the same house and still love each other. Your post actually had me thinking a lot about what I can do to save the marriage and how important it was at 40 to have a baby at all costs (when i read the blog and your post I was actually on holidays in bali without husband having the best life changing experience). When I got home I was ready to commit to saving my marriage without a baby because I dont want the rest of my life without him in it. Our marriage is still over as far as he is concerned. He want to live apart from me alone with our dogs but still loves me. So I came full circle and I still have nothing..Sorry Bec I just had to get that out somewhere..