Broke flat broke

This is a very difficult post to write for me. We are broke. We have been for a while, but we have a way of living beyond our means, and making it work. Our way of making it work was living on credit. But we have finally realised that have hit the wall and can't keep doing this.

When we first started trying for a baby back in 2006, we were perfectly set up. We had savings in the bank, no credit card debt, a mortgage that was under control. Slowly but steadily we used up our savings, refinanced our mortgage and acquired credit cards. A big chunk of that was for IVF, doctors visits, acupuncture and fertility related treatment, but we also have been on several holidays and live a comfortable life.

Now it has reached the point where we can no longer afford fertility treatment. It hurts to write that down. So we are taking a break. I don't know when we will be able to do it again - it might be six months, it might be a year, maybe even longer. I am hoping that come next March or April we will be in a position to begin IVF again. But for the moment I have to make peace with the fact that I will be left behind. Girlfriends who have that their first child during the time we have been trying, will conceive their second. My sister-in-law will fall pregnant and I will need to cope with the emotions that come with that. In the past I have been able to tell myself that our baby is not far away and that is somewhat comforting. But I can't hold onto that while we aren't doing treatment. Because our child is a long way away. It's not going to happen this year, and it may not happen next year.

We are still pursuing adoption. We had all but decided to let our application expire, but with a lot of prayer, we have decided to continue with the process. I have 95% of our forms complete, and just need a couple of certified documents before we submit them to the government department that looks after adoption. This isn't a quick fix though. While it is great to have something else to concentrate on and put our energies into, we aren't under any illusion that this will bring us our child.

In Western Australia, around 5-10 local babies are adopted each year. At any one time there are around 80 approved couples to adopt those babies, with the number of approved applicants increasing each year. The odds aren't in our favour. While we will continue to pray and hope, we also must also be realistic that adoption is not likely to be the way we complete our family.

I will still be blogging, but there may be longer breaks in between posts. Hopefully you don't get bored of me and stick around, because I have a feeling I am going to need as much support as I can get over this time.