Donor update

Well actually there isn't all that much to update. I rang the clinic last week to see where we were on the sperm donor waiting list, and apparently we still have another couple of months to wait. So much for there being no waiting list, or only taking 2 months. I've been told to expect early April, but that could all change depending on donors and how many people are doing treatment around this time.

I'm trying not to think too much about it, I really am enjoying my life at the moment and am trying not to dwell on fertility stuff. It's just hard to always have this thing in the back of your mind, wondering and worrying...

I went to a 3rd birthday party at my best friends place for her little girl Mia on Saturday. She put on such an amazing event with pass the parcel, a perfect birthday cake, and activities for all the kids. But I couldn't handle it. Practically every person there was a mother or father and all they could talk about was kids and babies. It's not their fault, I know that, but I realise that I don't have anything in common with mothers. I don't have my own child, a baby who I love with all of my heart. I don't know about sleeping patterns or how to soothe a baby's cries, or deal with teething. Because I am not a mother. And I don't know if or God-willing when I will be.

I also went to another friends little boys 3rd birthday this morning. I love little X and feel very spoiled that I got to make his birthday cake (a Blue's Clues cake - pics coming soon!), but once again, as much as I love him, he is not my child. It really hurts.

I don't expect anyone who hasn't been through infertility to get it. People can sympathise, and they understand that we hurt, but nobody can truly understand the pain deep in your heart. The yearning for a child that you can love with everything you have. No matter how much I distract myself from it, that pain is always there.