Crazy lady ramblings...: Does it get any better?

Saturday, 13 June 2009

Does it get any better?

My heart is aching. I should be 11 weeks pregnant and looking forward to my 12 week scan. but I'm not. And it hurts so badly.

Adding insult to injury, I spoke to the clinic nurse yesterday who offhand had remembered seeing Murray's SCSA results in the lab. Apparently the DNA damage or DNA Fragmentation Index is at 35%. Basically normal is less than 15% but 15-30% is okay. Over 30% is crap. Apparently

Our Doctors appointment is on the 30th, so I have started Murray on Menevit to start with, and we are both back on the weightloss, healthy lifestyle thing. We have started tentatively talking about the option of donor sperm. Honestly, it scares the pants of me. I don't know how I feel about it, but I am scared.

5 comments:

Beautiful MessSunday, 14 June, 2009
Oh sweetie! It's OK to be scared. Do what you can to be and stay healthy right now. Sending you lots of love, peace and hugs.
*HUGS*
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AnonymousSunday, 14 June, 2009
I really want to tell you that it does get better but at this moment in time I can't.

I should be 22 weeks pregnant now. It's my birthday next week and my party next Saturday and when I found out I was pregnant for the 4th time in Feb, all I could think was "WOW I'll be knocked up for my birthday, I'll be 23 weeks and hopefully feeling my baby move" and yet here I am about to face turning 30 with nothing but 4 miscarriages to show for 10 years of ttc.

It WILL get easier over time, but it will take time, everyone heals differently.

As for the donor sperm, yes I totally get where you're coming from, it's a scary thought and an even scarier thing to contemplate seriously but the things we do to start our family!

I hope that things start to get on track for you soon.

*Hugs*

xxxx
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SassyCupcakesMonday, 15 June, 2009
*hug* Hang in there.
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Princesses in Muddy PuddlesTuesday, 16 June, 2009
Oh wow Bec, I guess it's an answer to why things haven't happened... *hugs* xo
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Teresa @ Grammy GirlfriendTuesday, 23 June, 2009
Hang in there....Enjoyed reading your blog tonight.....I love finding new blogs...Had a little time to blog hop tonight while waiting to go to the hospital and welcome a new grandson tomorrow. This month I am posting about our Disney trip, plus a great giveaway.
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Our Journey

August 2016 - Our little man J comes home to us!!!

July 2016 - Get the phone call that we have been chosen to parent a 12 month old boy through local adoption!

May 2016 - IVF #10 was a bust

February 2016 - Public Health department decide that we can have another funded cycle of IVF. Gearing up to #IVF 10

November 2015 - One last attempt at IVF thanks to the public IVF program - IVF #9, 2 X Day 3 embryos transferred. Negative

November 2015 - 2 years in the approved applicant local adoption pool.

August 2014 - Donated embryos become available - FET #7 Negative

October 2013- Approved for local adoption! Getting our profile together and join the pool of approved prospective adoptive parents.

September 2013- 12 months out from Gastric sleeve surgery - 55kg lost! Now at a healthy BMI

January 2013- Re-apply for local adoption in Western Australia

September 2012- Gastric sleeve surgery to help get to a healthy weight

August 2012- Investigated foster care as a family building option but decided it's not for us.

June 2012 - FET #6 using donated embryos. Thought we hit the jackpot with a + on HPT but chemical pregnancy only.

May 2012 -FET#5 using donated embryos. BFN.

November 2011 - IUI #2. Another shot? Donor IUI. Still negative.

October 2011 - IUI #1. Let's try something different. Donor IUI, Negative result

August 2011 - IVF #8. Although estrogen levels are all over the place, we make to egg collection. 8 eggs fertilise through ICSI, but they never divide and all succumb. No transfer.

July 2011 - Adoption Services advise that we will not be approved for adoption due to my weight being over BMI limit of 35. Adoption plans devastated.

June 2011 - IVF #7 starts with known sperm donor. Cancelled again, just before egg collection as hormone levels indicate OHSS is likely.

February 2011 - Ovarian Drilling, laparoscopy and dye test done. Now preparing for IVF in June

January 2011 - Offer from a potential known sperm donor. Start counselling and mandated waiting period to access known donor sperm

September 2010 - IVF #6 - Another cancelled cycle due to estrogen decreasing and follicles not growing enough

June 2010 - #IVF 5 - Cancelled just before egg collection as hormone levels indicate OHSS is likely.

April 2010 - Donor sperm is available! Now waiting for next cycle to begin our DIVF cycle

March 2010 - Slowly putting together our adoption assessment application

January 2010 - Change IVF clinics to Concept Fertility to access donor sperm. Meet new FS, have donor counselling, and are added to the donor sperm waiting list. Attend final adoption education seminars

October 2009 - IVF #4 - Retrieve 20 eggs, 12 mature, 5 fertilised. Two Day 3 embryos transferred. BFN

September 2009 - Attend more adoption education seminars. SCSA test shows 35% DNA fragmentation in sperm - We decide to have one more attempt at IVF before moving to donor

August 2009 - Retrieve 33 eggs, 13 make it to day 3 - none to day 5. End up in hospital, in pain from the procedure and heavily sedated. Is this it for us?

July 2009 - Cycling again IVF #3. Attend first adoption seminar

May 2009 - And everything came tumbling down. Only a 6 weeks sac with no heartbeat at 8 week scan. D&C performed.

April 2009 - FET #4 BFP!!! Due 1 January 2010

November 2008 - FET #3 One blastocyst transferred - BFP, Beta of 21, then 44. Pregnancy not viable.

October 2008 - FET #2 Take Two - One blastocyst transferred - BFN

September 2008 - FET #2 - Cancelled by us. Diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety, put on AD's and hoping to ride out the storm.

August 2008 - FET #1 - One blastocyst transferred - BFN

May 2008 - IVF #2 - 20 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilised. Severe OHSS puts me in hospital for three days so no transfer. Four blastocysts are frozen for future use.

March 2008 - IVM #2 - 10 eggs retrieved, 8 matured, 7 fertilised, but no embryos make it to blastocyst and transfer is cancelled.

January 2008 - FS talks to us about new treatment called In Vitro Maturation (IVM) and we say go for it! IVM #1 - 13 eggs retrieved, 8 matured, 7 fertilised, 1 perfect blastocyst transferred - BFN

September 2007 - IVF #1, understimulated, cancelled cycle

August 2007 - Second appointment with FS, this time 12 kilos lighter - Woohoo! Decide to begin IVF next cycle

May 2007 - First meeting with FS. Told too fat for treatment and to get down to a BMI of 35 first (BMI currently 40.1). Utter devastation and depression follows, but I join the gym and dedicate myself to the cause.

February 2007 - Hubby's sperm analysis comes back with very low semen motility

January 2007 - Cycles are all over the place. Initial scans and tests suggest PCOS.

July 2006 - Had implanon removed, officially trying for a baby (How exciting!)

November 2005 - Got married on a hot spring day