I have devoted this weekend to moping. I like moping. It gives me a sense of purpose, yet not requiring me to actually achieve anything. For the last two and half days I have worn my pyjamas, sat on the couch, watched Olympics and then bawled my eyes out.
I feel so lost over everything - will this ever happen for us? Should we give up? How do we survive financially? Should we sell out house? Should we move to Singapore/Dubai/other exciting place to distract us from our misery? Should we look at adoption even though it is hideously expensive, I am too young to apply for ICA and the wait list is 5 years? Should we hold out for the new surrogacy laws in WA to be enacted and follow that path? Am I willing to give up the dream of being pregnant even though I so badly want to feel my child inside of me? Do I drag my husband along for more treatments when he is ready to give it a break for a bit to live? Or do I put my dream on hold so that we don't hurt ourselves even further?
To all those who have visited my blog through ICLW expecting recipes, spectacular photography or some witty commentary, I apologise. All I can offer is sadness and confusion at the moment, for that is what I truly feel.
Hi! Here from ICLW. I'm sorry your IVF ended in BFP. I know there is nothing I can ever say to make you feel better. Maybe a break won't be such bad idea, your strength and purpose will be renewed.
ReplyDeleteICLW - thanks for visiting my blog.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you're in such a tough place. I will be thinking of you as you weigh your options and figure out where to go next from here.
They are the million dollar questions...
ReplyDeleteICLW
ReplyDeletePancakes in bed are a wonderful thing. They cant fix everything but they can give you a few moents of pure bliss while you enjoy them. I am sorry for what you are going through and my thought are ith you.
Here form ICLW. I am really sorry. I'll be thinking about you all the way from Texas....
ReplyDeleteI won't tell you to be positive because, if your feeling lousy then thinking or acting positive won't work...so...be sad, feel lost, mope, do all of it and maybe you'll feel better tomorrow. I hate making a big decision when I am uncertain of the outcome. In the end whatever choice you make is YOUR choice and right for you. Sending you lots of good juju. Enjoy your day!
ReplyDelete-D *ICLW*
At 22 I didn't have a clue what I wanted in life. I'm so sorry for your mopey misery. Take some time for yourself and for your couple-ness right now.
ReplyDeleteICLW
So sorry for the bfn. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteYou know, sometimes to feel better, it is important for me to wallow in the saddness. At the end, I can usually pick myself up and go on.
Be kind to yourself. What you are going through is tough. Been there myself, so I can relate.
Stacie (from ICLW)
Bec... I seriously understand how you are feeling, I've done the moping thing, it does feel purposeful doesn't it? :-( I'm so sorry you've got to go through such a shitty experience. It's so freakin hard to see the light when everything seems so dark.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking about you. I'm sorry this has to be such a process, it shouldn't. I have a stack of adoption papers on my desk and I feel you when you say it's so expensive. We are looking at 18.5 grand minimum. The things we will do...
ReplyDeleteHi from ICLW. I'm sorry about all the questions you're left with right now. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteI vote for going to Dubai! My University is 85% ready to build an entire campus over there, so we got an entire presentation on basically how much Dubai rocks. SO that would be my vote!
ReplyDeleteI am truly sorry for your bfn. I'm sure that you would prefer a bfp over any travels, experiences or adventures...as would I. lots of luck, whatever you decide to do.
iclw