Another 'woe is me' post

So life seems to go on whether we want it to or not.

I went to the gym this morning for my personal training session, but had to stop half-way through because I felt so ill, a combination of the drugs, diarhoea and the end of the flu. I've never done that before and I hate feeling so weak. My trainer gave me a talking to about looking after myself and not beating myself up over everything, but I can't help it.

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately, and especially reading about people who have come to the end of their infertility journey and have decided to live their lives without children, child-free. The couples talk about how they can have fulfilling lives with each other, focus on their careers, travel the world, spend time with their nieces and nephews etc. They say that their partner is enough for them.

That's not enough for me. I want a child more than I want anything else in this world. I could handle being in a crappy job, or not owning my own house or any number of things. But I can not and will not accept not having a child. I love my husband more than anything in this world but I don't know how I will be able to function if we are unable to realise our dream.

It's scary that I'm even thinking about this. I'm just so scared right now of this not working. We can afford three more cycles at which time we will have to seriously consider our options. We have already had three unsuccesful cycles. The statistics are against us.