Maturation results

Just got the call from the clinic, eight of our ten eggs have matured which is a great result. Last cycle we had thirteen eggs and eight matured also, so statistically we are doing better. We should have fertilisation results tomorrow afternoon.

Am still a bundle of nerves over everything though, wish I could just fast-forward the next few weeks and get the result.

I am slowly going insane...

Nobody from the clinic has called me yet. I know it is only 1.25pm and that they don't close until five, and that they might not have comprehensive results until later in the day. But I am still freaking out. I am not normally a nervous person, but today I am going out of my mind with fear. I just want this to be it.

I am so scared that it's not going to work again. I am trying so hard to be positive, to the point where I deliberately went into a baby shop today and bought some small things to prove my positivity. Like duh, who I am trying to prove it to.

My nerves are shot to pieces, I almost wish I was at work to distract myself from my nothingness life without a baby.

Ten is a good number

Just got back from having my egg collection done at the hospital. We ended up with ten eggs, which while it is less than the thirteen we got last time, is still a good number. I'm fairly well drugged up at the moment so not in too much pain, but have some referred pain in my shoulder and chest which is killing me at the moment. I'm not as groggy or nauseous as I was last time which is good as well.

My gorgeous friend Fiona drove me in today as Murray couldn't get the day off work. I was worried the whole thing would freak her out, but she said that it helped her understand what I'm going through a lot better. It's so nice to have good friends :-)

We went down to the clinic to have a chat with Steve, and he said that the procedure was a bit easier this time, I assume because my eggs were bigger. He said that although be got less than last time, they seem to be of good quality, and the different protocol (more FSH) has definitely helped out.

So now the eggs mature overnight, Murray goes in tomorrow morning to give his sample and then they will fertilise the eggs. Fingers crossed we get good numbers from all of that! Our Embryo Transfer is booked for Easter Sunday, and blood test on April 2nd.

YAY

Well my trigger injection is over and done with thank goodness. Still feeling like crap but hopefully that resolves itself shortly.

Pass the bucket please

I thought I was coping really well with this cycle, but the side-effects are really starting to hit me. I have had a nasty headache all day, tightness in my chest, bloating, but the worst thing is the nausea. Everywhere I go, there seems to be a new smell that screams out 'I want you to throw up!' I went to get my legs waxed (so that the surgeons wouldn't discover the old growth forest I've been growing in my pants during the egg collection!) and all I could smell was the horrible acetate acryilic nail smell that salons have. I nearly hurled on the spot. I ate a really nice salad for lunch, and now feel so sick from it that I've spent the last hour curled up in bed.

I'm starting to get nervous about my trigger injection tonight. I have done it before, so I know that I can do it, but I tend to work myself into a bit of a state over these things. Fingers crossed it's easy and painless.

Another good scan!

My scan went well this morning which I am so grateful for. After a bit of a down evening last night, I really needed a pick-me-up.

My scan shows that my ovaries are doing what they are meant to do for once! I now have:
2 x 9mm follicles, 3 x 8mm follicles, 4 x 7mm follicles, 1 x 6.5mm follicle, 1 x 6mm follicle, 4 x 5mm follicles and lots more smaller than 5mm; my endo is at 8.9mm which is thicker as well.


The clinic are really happy with my progress and have said that it is going a lot better than our first cycle.

I also got some good news, my specialist is back from leave on Monday and is going to do my egg collection. I was really nervous about having a different doctor doing it, but they made the decision for her to do it. I feel so relieved and confident about the procedure now.

Still feeling really crappy physically. I've had diarrhoea on and off all this week, as well as cramps and bad nausea. Not to mentions the terrible mood swings that poor Murray is having to deal with! Steve said that it's all because of the drugs, but that I should feel a bit better after EPU. Not much of that methinks...

Aunty Becca

Yep, A.licia has given birth to baby number 3. Charlotte Hailey Van.derleer was born at 4.02pm this afternoon. We have been in for a hold and she is just gorgeous.

I feel really numb about the whole thing. It was hard to be civil to Mitche.ll and A.licia after recent events, but I also didn't want my anger to spoil what should be a big moment for them, so I just stayed quiet through the visit.

I want to cry, and I feel like it would be good for me to have a cry about it, but it just wont come out of me. Maybe later...

Latest scan

Had my scan this morning, I now have:
5 x 7mm follicles
4 x 6mm follicles
4 x 5mm follicles
and lots follicles smaller than 5mm.

It's not great but at least they are very slowly growing. Endo at 7.5 which is also thicker. I am to keep injecting Thurs/Fri and then go in for another scan/BT Friday morning, with EPU on Monday.

I've become hyper-sensitive to my gonal-f injections - grrr. I've been fine with my gonal-f injections up until now, but the past two mornings they have been incredibly painful, so bad I've had to pull it out and start again because I am in agony. I'm nervous about how I'm going to cope with the trigger, last time that wasn't too pleasant and if my body isn't coping with these, it could be bad for trigger. I've tried using icepacks to numb the area but it didn't make a difference this morning.

I can't believe we are nearly ready for egg collection again, and then the countdown is on. Transfer should be on Easter Sunday by my calculations- hopefully that is an omen, the celebration of new life :)

My dysfunctional family

I got a phone call last night at 11pm, after I was already in bed, from my brothers girlfriend. My brother was in Armadale, lost, had no money and was being chased by aborigals. And what has that got to do with me you ask? Good question. Lucky me had to go out and pick him up so he didn't get bashed up.

When I picked him up, I didn't say a word. I wasn't trying to give him the silent treatment, but I honestly didn't have anything to say. If I tried to say anything I would either be met with aggression, which I just couldn't handle; or he would get all apologetic and say how things are going to change, which is what he has said for the past two years. Shock horror, nothing has changed.

I am sick of having such a dysfunctional family.

Will head into the clinic tomorrow morning for another blood test and scan. I had another 150iu injection this morning, and one tomorrow morning. Hopefully that will be enough to kick my ovaries into action. I'm almost tempted to up the dose myself but I won't go against the clinic like that, at least not now. Fingers crossed we will be able to go ahead with egg collection soon!

Disappointing scan

Had my scan this morning, only to find that not only have my follicles not grown, some have disappeared altogether. Antral follicle count was 25 from memory, now I have 11 on my left side, 4 on my right (or is it the other way round?) that are less than 5mm and a scattering of 5mm & 6mm follicles. The nurse gave me some gonal-f to take with me in case the doctor wants me to inject more beforehand.

I'm starting to get really nervous about this cycle. Last time it only took three days of 150iu injections to get them to a decent level. Today is five days with a worse result. How much more confusing can this get?

I also spoke to the nurse about Dr Aitken performing my egg collection. Her reassurance to me was that "he retrieves lots of immature eggs in his IVF egg collections", which is another way of saying he has zero experience in IVM egg collection. I am so totally screwed.

IVM #2

So I'm back into the swing of things.
This cycle I am doing 5 days of 150iu Gonal-F injections, the first of which I did this morning. It was actually quite scary starting again. You forget how much strength is needed to keep going. I'm exhausted by the process already.

My fertility specialist is going to be away for my egg collection. I'm really quite scared about this, I'm sure the other DR who will do the EPU has experience in IVF egg collection, but IVM is so much harder and painful. I don't think I could handle anything more painful than I already had, and that was with someone who was experienced in IVM EPU. Also the fact that it's a male, I know you are meant to leave your modesty at the door, but it does still upset me that every man and his dog has played around with my girly parts.

Cycling again

My period arrived this morning, so we are officially onto IVM cycle 2. I'm quietly excited but still nervous. Actually right now I'm PMS'ing and pissed off at work so IVM hasn't been a huge focus in my head, which is probably a good thing. Not to think about it too much that is.

I have my Day 2 scan & bloods tomorrow, then injection gonal-f on Thursday through to Saturday. Another scan/BT combo on next Wednesday and then hopefully egg collection the following Tuesday. Last cycle my dose was 150iu, I think they will be upping that this time to get my follicles to grow a little bit more before EPU to make them easier for collection. Hopefully in turn that means it will be less painful for me!

Work is driving me crazy at the moment, but we have just had our maternity leave upped from 8 weeks to 12 weeks paid leave, plus I am eligible for 6 weeks long service leave in September, and that doesnt even touch on annual leave. When I go on Maternity leave, I will get to have 6 months at half pay plus whatever annual leave I have. However much I want to leave my job right now, I have to stay- if only for the benefits. I will be looking in other branch's though to see what else is around. I am sick of putting in extra hours, bringing work home, having very little support and not being recognised for any of it. I also don't like having IVF used against me. I spoke to the lady who is about to become my boss (again - the one who told me that due to my 'life choices' my role was no longer compatible to me) and she said the reason that I was struggling to keep up with my work is that I have too much time off! Like- what the fuck! I have had two annual leave days this year and that is it! She does my head in, and I can not work in close quarters with her. Grrrrrrrr.

OK PMS rant over... for now!