Injury prone

Somehow I have hurt my back to the extent that I didn't even get dressed today as it hurt too bad. I have moved only from my bed to the bathroom when needed. My back has been sore ever since the triathlon a few weeks back, but I think four plane trip in short succession has done it in.

I only got back to work yesterday after spending most of last week in South Australia for my cousins funeral. It was probably one of the most awful days I have ever experienced. Not really up to talking about it right now, am slowly getting back into normal life. Of course my back seizing up hasn't really helped that. My Mum is really stuggling to cope with it all and I don't know how to help her.

Blah, okay enough dribbling, time to try and get to bed, the pain is agonising. Fingers crossed I wake up tomorrow and it is somewhat better, I can't afford to miss any more time away from work.

9 reasons why owning a dog is the best thing ever

1. Early morning snuggles

2. Watching him run to the gate when I leave for work
3. Beach runs

4. Watching him chase his tail like he doesn't realise it's a part of him
5. Teary, cheer-me-up snuggles
6. Going for adventures at new places

7. Watching his tail thump furiously as I walk in the front door
8. Sneaky nibbles of our leftovers when we have finished dinner
9. Late night snuggles

Can I just have a whinge?

My period arrived like a mother****** yesterday and I am in pain. Serious pain. Like pull out all the best drugs kind of pain.
I have asked for permission from my unit controller not to do my exam tonight. It means I have to do it sometime in February next year but I just can't deal with the thought of being stuck in a room of people for 2.5 hours.
Murray has been screwed over by his previous school - again. No details, just lots of anger and anguish on his part. He feels worthless and has taken a big hit over all of it.

It is all f*cked.
But we are alive. Even through the pain and anger and every other which-way emotion, we are alive and present. So I know I can get through it. We can get through it.

I just wish my cousin was here too.

In the midst of it all

In the midst of it all, there are small periods of brightness. Murrays sister is eight weeks pregnant. I am happy for her, and it has been the first thing that has lifted my mood since the accident. Yet I can't help but feel my own sadness at the news. I wish my brain would just shut off sometimes and just let me be. I don't want to be selfish and guilty and depressed.

I'm not sure if I will be able to make it to the funeral as I have an exam tomorrow and then an exam next Monday also, and the funeral is likely to be either this coming Friday or the Monday of the exam.

Grieving

It is our fifth wedding anniversary today but it is the furtherest thing from my mind. My cousin Shaun was killed in a motorcycle accident yesterday afternoon. I have not seen him for a couple of years as he lives in South Australia and now I will never get to again. I am in absolute shock as is my Mum and brother and the whole family. . Shaun is, was, a year older than me, only 25. I spoke to his Mum, my aunty, this morning. We just cried and cried. She said she is being strong but I just cant imagine how she is coping. I have arranged for my Mum to fly over Monday morning, and I am hoping to go to the funeral when it happens. Have spent all day in bed, alternating between tears and sleep. RIP Shaun.

Our day at the beach

Murray, Charlie & I went to the beach today to mark the first day of leave for me - No work for me until Nov 18th YAY! I took a couple of pics on my Blackberry but this one is my favourite, he is so damn cute!

It is Charlie's 1st birthday in a couple of weeks and we are organising a casual gettogether with our friends and their dogs along with doggy birthday cake! It's going to be so much fun!



The next step

We had a doctor appointment with our specialist this afternoon. He said that he had reviewed our file and with the recent cancelled cycles, he wasn't willing to continue IVF treatment without first doing Ovarian Drilling. I haven't been keen on the surgery but I have finally relented and agreed to do it. I am booked in for Feb 14 next year - Valentines Day. The surgery is completely covered by my private health insurance so it's worth a shot.

To be honest I don't know if I plan to do another IVF cycle for a while. Being in the doctors rooms today made me feel so uncomfortable, I just didn't want to be there, doing all of this. It's not what I want to be doing right now, so it is taking a back seat for a while. I have an appointment booked for another doctor in two weeks - we had to book six months in advance to see her, but now I am thinking about cancelling. I'm just really not sure.

Another thing we have done is arranged for us to be added to the donor embryo waiting list at Concept. We don't how the long wait could be but it's another option. Murray & I also have another idea which we are working on and hopefully I'll be able to show you here in a couple of weeks.

All of our friends are completing their adoption reference reports at the moment, so fingers crossed they will be submitted soon and we can continue along our adoption path.

Things are ticking over slowly but steadily which I am happy with. We are just enjoying ourselves and spending time together. It's our fifth wedding anniversary next Friday, and we love each other. We have our puppy Charlie who brings a lot of light into our lives. We are okay.