Bubble

I had my transfer this morning so we have one blastocyst on board. I have this urge to say that I have been sperminated but in fact I have been embryonated! So please meet the newest resident in my uterus - Bubble.

Luckily enough we only had to defrost one embryo so we still have two blastocysts left in storage. Should bubble not stick, we will likely do a double transfer next time and use them in one go. At least then we will have done everything we can for the timebeing. Enough fatalistic talk though, I am going to be positive about this.

The transfer went really well, I went by myself as Murray couldn't really afford to take any more time off work at the moment. Monday's are my FS's day on duty so she did my transfer for me which was nice. For once I knew everyone in the room (and they were all ladies) so I was quite comfortable. I had some cramping afterwards but nothing too major. All of a sudden though I had the most horrific stabbing pain in my abdomen. I was driving at the time and nearly crashed my car because it was so sudden and agonising. I had to pull off the road and do some serious breathing to get through for about five minutes when it started to fade away. I spoke to the clinic afterwards and they said that it was probably my uterus contracting and that I should be fine, but to call back if I experienced any further pain. Luckily enough I was fine after that, bar some slight cramping later on.

Event though I know logically that the embryo can't slip out of me, I still was fearful about going to the toilet or walking too fast, just in case. I guess just one of those things that make you feel safer about the whole thing, that I am doing everything possible to help.

I have a busy week ahead at work so that should keep me distracted for the moment, but my beta isn't scheduled until Monday November 10th! That is still two weeks away, there is no way it should be that far away! I definitely intend to test before then, but will try to hold out until next Monday at least. I so badly want our little bubble to stick.

Oh and for those interested. The wedding was ok. Just ok. Long story. Short version is that my sister in law isn't the most thoughtful person and despite our differences, and Murray and I making a huge effort to make her day work well, we didn't even get a thank you for our effort, absolutely no appreciation. Anyway, that sounds very bitter and I guess I am a bit at the moment. Photos coming shortly!

cycle six

When I talk to other people, it's much easier to call all of our cycles an 'IVF cycle', that way I don't have to explain the intricacies of cancelled cycles, IVF, IVM and FETs. But it's important to me to note the differences between each cycle. After all we are now up to six ART cycles but only three of those have had a transfer.

(1) IVF #1 - Sep 07 - Cancelled after understimulating on a low FSH dose. No EPU. No transfer (2) IVM #1 - Jan 08 - EPU and 1 blastocyst transferred but BFN
(3) IVM #2 - Mar 08 - EPU but no embryos made it to blast. No transfer
(4) IVF #1 - May 08 - EPU but OHSS and in hospital. No transfer
(5) FET #1 - Aug 08 - 1 blastocyst transferred but BFN
(6) FET #2 - Oct 08 - 1 blastocyst transferred.
Results unknown= 6 cycles started, 3 EPUs and 3 transfers.

Even though I have done six treatment cycles, the clinic only counts it as three attempts because they work off how many transfers are done. Stuff that for a joke!

Do you go into detail and explain the differences in treatments with friends, family and others? Or do you reach a point where you don't bother? I'm a little tired of talking about what I'm going through, but I never don't answer a question because otherwise they may not ask again, and infertility shouldn't be this big taboo that everyone avoids. Anyway, just something I wanted to put out there.

Post 200

Am I really up to 200 posts? Have I contributed anything to the blogosphere? I'm not sure but unfortunately you are stuck with me.

My transfer is booked for 11am on Monday. I'll be going alone for the first time which is a little nervewracking but I'm sure I'll be fine. I asked my clinic about the embryo glue and it turns out that they use it for every transfer and that the brochure was put out to provide additional information, so that is good to hear.

Will be a busy weekend as Murray's sister is getting married on Saturday, so hopefully I will be back after the weekend with lots of pictures to share!

Transfer booked

My visit to the clinic went well today, endo lining is at 10.5mm and E2 is fine so I will begun my progesterone pessaries tomorrow and transfer will happen next Monday. Luckily I have the day off already so no having to fit it in around work.

I noticed a sign in the waiting room that all clinic prices will go up by 10% as of 1st November - just what we need. Why can't they wait until the end of the year at least! Grrrrr. On a good note though, they have upgraded the ultrasound machine so we have a new shiny machine that shows colour and does printouts at the touch of a button! Very cool.

Has anyone heard of Embryo Glue before? I found a brochure for it in the clinic waiting area, and am trying to find a bit more about it. Apparently you can use it in a FET so it might be worth giving it a go if it isn't too expensive. Would love to hear any feedback on it...

FET begins

After all my worry, I am fine with doing a FET cycle. It's this stupid hormone business, one day I hate everything in my life, dont want kids and want to quit my job. The next day I love my husband and cant wait to be a mother. Grrr to that. Luckily however, today is one of the good days. Work was quick and easy, I have the day off tomorrow ( I love 4 day working weeks!), I went to the gym last night and felt good, and am just generally happy.

I have started on the HRT (progynova) and go in for a bloodtest and scan next Monday morning. Transfer will be done the Monday following, so I can still drink at my sister-in-laws wedding on the 25th - not that the drinking is a huge priority!

Tonight we are going to see Stevie Wonder in concert and Murray is soooo excited! He has been looking forward to this for ages and we have really good seats, so hopefully it lives up to his expectations.

Blah blah blah

My period has arrived so I guess we are starting another FET cycle. I have my form to get my bloods done on Monday, but to be honest I just don't know if I want to carry on with this struggle. Everything is so much effort and I don't have the energy for it. Maybe it's the depression talking. Maybe it's PMS? But I feel really down today, and in a foul mood. Murray is being a dickhead as well which makes it that much worse because it's a cycle of feeling like crap.

I went to the gym this morning and thought that would help clear my head but it hasn't done anything except wear me out. I just really can't be bothered with anything right now.

25

So it has been 25 days since I was diagnosed with depression and things are definitely a lot better than before. Some days are still hard, and sleep issues and anxiety are still around but as a whole, I am feeling pretty good.

We have made the decision that we will try another FET cycle once my period arrives. No matter what we are doing in our life, we want children to be a part of it, and I'm not willing to give up just yet. I don't know whether we will go again straight away if this cycle is unsuccessful, but I definitely want to at least try.

We have also sat down to really discuss going overseas, and both opened up about what is going on with each other. I think we understand a bit better where the other person is coming from, and should Murray get a job offer from Singapore, we will most likely be going. It is an experience that at any other time in my life I would be excited about, and I am. But it's just a lot to take in, so we are going to take it as it comes, and hopefully things fall into place along the way.

I love my husband and relationships are about compromise. If you can compromise but not 'sacrifice' then I think it is worth it. Murray has absolutely been my rock this past month, I am so grateful that he is here for me.